Spring Break 2013 – Teens, Ponies, Clucks and Memories

Gnome in Prison!
Gnome in Prison!

I spent the last week with a friend and our teens on a spring break trip to Florida. Ocala, Tampa, Orlando and Jacksonville in 5 days and over 1000 miles on her car.

Togetherness in a small Ford sedan, a cheap hotel that I booked under the guise of 4 Travelocity stars (I don’t know who these reviewers are, but they must carry firearms on trips…)  bunking in on the 92-year-old mother in law (no probs-she’s hard of hearing) and a GPS programmed to every Starbucks along the way.

And that amount of time together in a car can bring out some very funny stories about our kids and ourselves that we all had tons of laughs over-including our rendition of the song “Ho Hey” in chicken.


Funny the things that you remember. My girlfriend talked about the time she went to a birthday party when she was a little girl. She was so proud of the fact that she brought as a gift, a small Breyer pony to the birthday girl. And when the big moment arrived, and the gift was opened, the birthday girl started crying because she already had the SAME ONE. And my girlfriend remembered her devastation that her gift was a bomb. She also remembered that the goodie bag had paint brushes in it. And no paint. What was up with that? Ok moms of kids-40 plus years later she REMEMBERS this!

When I was 5, on my birthday week, my father and I drove to Jacksonville, Florida (Mom had just had her third, and stayed behind in Atlanta)-he to start looking for a new home with a job transfer, me to stay with my grandmother all by myself. Because, you know, I am 5. Hear me roar.

Anyhoo…We stopped at a Stuckey’s on 75 south in middle Georgia for lunch. I of course, princess that I am, was wearing my birthday crown from kindergarten that my teacher made me. All pink and sparkly and jeweled up. And after we finished, we got back on our way to Jacksonville. Except for one thing.

We left the crown behind. In a Stuckeys, in middle Georgia. And being that I was 5, had already worn it proudly for like, a week, totally forgot I left it there, until we got to Jacksonville.

Cue 5-year-old girl drama when learning that said crown was left behind in a roadside restaurant 300 miles away. Ugly, huh?

Dad went back to that same Stuckey’s on his way back home. No crown. One of the waitresses actually took it to her daughter. Or that is the story I got. Works for me.

Funny what we remember. And there is something really great about a road trip with your teens, in a small sedan, with lots of coffee and fast food, that brings out the fun in all of us.

And no murder charges.

What stories do you remember?



If I Could Walk In Her Shoes…

This is me. In HER shoes, when I get that feeling when I have a blog post that goes big, my teenager has a great day, or I make my bed…

strutting pony gif

I love this bad ass pony and there are days when I just wanna STRUT, ya know!

Responding to pleas from these two badass bloggers, Old Dog New Tits and According to Mags, I joined in this Blog Hop and the topic was If you could walk in anyone’s shoes for one day, who would that be?

I mean, these are two women who, one dressed in a Heinz Ketchup costume, go in to the PRADA store in NYC, try on red shoes and then parade around and video themselves. These are women after my own heart!


Well, here ya go!

Been There, Done That, Not Arrested, Yet…

Who doesn’t have a bucket list?

Can you believe I don’t??

I was once in a class that I had to write down 100 things to do before I die.  I was about 35 at the time. At that point the only thing I could think of was to not kill my colicky infant keeping me awake all night.  But, over time, I have had the opportunity to:

  • Snorkel in Hawaii – fyi – wear a t-shirt – we got 2nd degree burns on our back
  • Attend an Olympic Games – I was even a volunteer at the ones in Atlanta
  • Work on a (mostly) naked Gay leather catalogue photo shoot AND not get arrested
  • Meet a couple of famous people
  • Be on TV (Anderson Cooper), attend the Ellen Show

    At the Ellen Show
    At the Ellen Show
  • Sneak on to the stage at the Hollywood Bowl
  • Jump – accidentally – into Maureen O’Hara’s (Mia Farrow’s mom) trash can sneaking out of a Beverly Hills house
  • Start a fight at Chastain Park while watching Kool & the Gang on my 40th birthday
  • See the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, travel Europe after college, yada yada
  • Own a German car
  • Pass out a Rolling Stone’s Concert
  • Smoke weed with the roadies at a Billy Idol Concert
  • Make out with a former PGA professional at a golf tournament in 1983
  • Sing on Stage with Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts
  • Spend New Years Eve in Times Square
  • Flash REM at a concert in 1983 – they didn’t see me…
  • Work on a Presidential campaign – he lost
  • Own a horse
  • Be broke because I owned a horse (or 3…)
  • Get boobs – well, after pregnancy
  • Vegas – what happens in Vegas…
  • Have a bar bill at my wedding that was more than the food bill
  • Go on a five-day blind date with a Beverly Hills doctor that was 4 days and 23 hours and 55 minutes too long…
  • Sell a million dollar house or 10
  • Pee in the back of an AMC Pacer in 1978
  • Zip Line on a cruise
  • Eat an entire box of HOT Krispey Kremes
  • Go to a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show in nightgowns, with rain coats, umbrellas, toast and rice. . .The_Rocky_Horror_Picture_Show
  • Go to The Varsity for lunch REALLY hung over – this perspective changes everything about those ‘walkin dogs’
  • Do the ‘walk of shame’ but that was in my 20s.  Would be fun to do it again…
  • Get Botox – I already have a big forehead. Botox makes it more prominent – yay Flipper
  • Get a mammogram and not scream
  • Go on a Napa wine tour.  In a Wines R Us tour van. Really.
  • Find out that the video cameras at the Animal Kingdom hotel at Disney are pointed to your ROOM…over the pasture. Great.
  • Be able to spell Vagina correctly. And say it. Out loud. (I grew up Catholic…)
  • Go to a Drag Show. FYI – they dress better than us, girls
  • Be a mom. And find out that you can nurse a baby, bake a cake, and negotiate a real estate contract all at the same time.
  • Become a photographer – FINALLY – and make shoe money with it
  • Become a writer – again – thank god for blogging and the people I have met there, AND the opportunities and support

So I guess this is my Already Been There Done That list and for these experiences I am thankful.  And a little shocked.  I really am a nutcase.

And yes, this is my 100th post.  I am planning on 100 more, and 100 more.  Now, if you can help me add The Amazing Race to this list – but only if they stay in luxury hotels and avoid extremely hot and humid locations….

Meet Mom’s Facelift!

<——-THIS is the boyfriend you want your daughter to have.

Dro is 16’s latest BF. This is the great thing about girls and horses.

  • They don’t text each other all day long
  • He only wants kisses and treats like Quaker Cinnamon Oatmeal Squares, and of course, carrots.
  • He doesn’t care what the other horses say about his relationship with her
  • He won’t blab stupid lies and details about her to his buddies
  • He’s gelded…..(thank god…)
  • He’s gorgeous so she can still make her bitchy girlfriends jealous of him
  • And when they break up-it’s usually because she has outgrown him, or outgrown the sport

When you have a daughter that starts in pony land, falls off, gets back up and keeps going, you’d better start saving your money. Horses are not cheap.
I could buy a pair of Italian shoes every 6 weeks for what I pay my farrier.
The amount of vet bills over the last 10 years could have paid for lipo, tummy tuck, boob job AND a facelift.
There is NO WAY you can get out of a horse show without spending at the barest minimum $300 for the weekend.
Equipment-do NOT get me started. Let’s just say that leather stuff is not cheap, saddles have to be comfy and fit them right, and the clothes. Ohhhh, the clothes. Tailored shirts, monograms, lightweight wool jackets, custom boots…………No wonder all my clothes come from Costco. Even my underwear…….

Convincing BC that this is all worth it is another matter.  He’s on board, grudgingly.  It is cheaper than bail, rehab, and gets her out of the house.

My horse addiction started as a tween.  I had a little pony named Boots that was like a large dopey golden retriever.  We would pack lunches and trail ride down to the Chattahoochee River and race on the old Polo Fields on Columns Drive in the Atlanta burbs.  I still have such great memories of that.  And it fosters independence.

Every teenager has to have SOMETHING that makes them feel good about themselves.  Academics, band, sports, clubs, whatever.  16’s happens to be animals. And I don’t feel so bad about all the money–a girlfriend of mine just spent $900 for all of her son’s band uniforms and equipment.

When 16 is out at the barn, a calmness comes over her that is only seen around her horse.  No rushing, no whining, meticulously cleans her tack, hangs out…. and she’s nice to ME.

If I could bottle it and bring that home and spray it on her when she turns into T Rex then I could make millions.

Happiness is a warm horsie — with a new show name : Mom’s Facelift