Over 50

Yo, MAP, Where You Been??

I took a sabbatical from writing.

And I have better posture for doing it. Mom will be happy.

The last year I have had many many changes and life events going on. Some were AWESOME and a few were some that will make your hair grey.

That’s life honey, not for sissies.

The ONE THING that I have learned is the old saying:


I know, cliché, but it’s freekin true.

Sooo, in the last year or so I learned some things:

  • I don’t lose weight when I am stressed therefore I will never get divorced because the Divorce Diet will not get me a new man.
  • I will NEVER EVER rescue another dog with the REMOTEST DNA of Chihuahua in it.
  • Do NOT buy the cheap pads. Poise all the way!
  • When your parents become hard of hearing, it’s really not that bad. Except for the TV that I can hear from Florida. And the yelling.
  • When you travel especially overseas, you really only need 2 pairs of black pants, Uggs, ortho inserts, a camera, a jacket and deodorant.
  • Centre Court Wimbledon IS all that and a bag of chips. Or a glass of Pimms. Oh, and don’t make fun of the “Ugly English Old Dude” sitting next to you. He just may be the president of the All England Club…



wimbledon (7 of 9)
Amazing Serena @rustystirrupphotography


  • I totally fan girled over this beautiful young husband I met at an AirBNB we stayed at in England who’s best friends with Andrew Lincoln. THAT was embarrassing….


UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - OCTOBER 02: Andrew Lincoln arrives at AMC's "The Walking Dead" Season 5 Premiere held at AMC Universal City Walk on October 2, 2014 in Universal City, California. (Photo by Michael Tran/FilmMagic)

  • The correct pronunciation of the word HAM in Spanish is ‘hambon’ NOT ‘jambone’.
  • I love Guatemala.

    Me and Shari on an avocado, coffee and children's mission on Lake Atitlan
    Me and Shari on an avocado, coffee and children’s mission on Lake Atitlan
  • I still dig through  and buy dead’s people’s stuff (estate sales)
  • My mom is seriously a trooper – we took her on a pass (not recommended) to Amsterdam and Germany this past spring. Surprise! There are very few escalators in European train stations.
  • I started my own skin care franchise. Yep, you heard me right the first time. E-commerce all the way baby, work from home and can still junk, travel and write. Because the former three can’t pay all the bills. And I get to dress up nice again, go to a couple of meetings, a convention, and meet some pretty awesome, normal, and driven women. And the product works.Docs



I’ve also learned about patience, love, forgiveness, prayer, charity, dignity and hope.

And I guess those were my most important lessons this year!


Toto, We’re NOT In Nordstrom Anymore…

Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.

I bought a pair of orthotic shoes last week.

It was a sad touchstone in my life. I have been a shoe freak since my first pair of brown and white saddle shoes, all the way to the latest adorable Tory Burch flats. Shoes don’t judge. You can be a size 8 or a size 16 and wear a fabulous pair of shoes and feel like a million bucks.

I had to break down and find some. With my recent jogging journey, coupled with my little tennis fantasy and the age of my high arched feet, I developed plantar fasciitis.

First, I thought it was just some temporary heel pain. But it went on for a couple of months. Then, in working at my little antique store one day in flip-flops ( a big no, no) I felt crippled in that foot and went straight to WebMD.

Bingo-Plantar Faciitis. The best part of the description was that it happens to athletic people. If you call running two minutes and walking one minute athletic, I’ll take it.

According to WebMD:
Plantar fasciitis (say “PLAN-ter fash-ee-EYE-tus”) is the most common cause of heel pain. The plantar fascia is the flat band of tissue (ligament) that connects your heel bone to your toes. It supports the arch of your foot. If you strain your plantar fascia, it gets weak, swollen, and irritated (inflamed). Then your heel or the bottom of your foot hurts when you stand or walk.

Plantar fasciitis is common in middle-aged people. It also occurs in younger people who are on their feet a lot, like athletes or soldiers. It can happen in one foot or both feet.

Plantar fasciitis is caused by straining the ligament that supports your arch. Repeated strain can cause tiny tears in the ligament. These can lead to pain and swelling. This is more likely to happen if:

Your feet roll inward too much when you walk (excessive pronation camera.gif).
You have high arches or flat feet.
You walk, stand, or run for long periods of time, especially on hard surfaces.
You are overweight.
You wear shoes that don’t fit well or are worn out.
You have tight Achilles tendons or calf muscles.

Most people with plantar fasciitis have pain when they take their first steps after they get out of bed or sit for a long time. You may have less stiffness and pain after you take a few steps. But your foot may hurt more as the day goes on. It may hurt the most when you climb stairs or after you stand for a long time

So off to the orthotic shoe store I went.

I mean seriously, these places need a HUGE makeover. I had to sign in and wait my turn behind an elderly gal getting those sexy black tennis shoes with the laces, and a 100-year-old cadaver couple arguing over which compression sock is the best. Toto, we’re not in Nordstrom anymore…

The selection was mediocre and the store gave me Buster Brown flashbacks from my youth. The saleslady was extremely helpful and I found a fairly cute pair of Vionic sandals that are so comfy on my feet. They aren’t Manolos but they will suffice.

Then I went on Zappos. The mother of all shoe sites. And there ARE cute orthotic shoes, THERE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still refuse to give up my Tory’s or my Jack Rogers. In the future, when I wear those, Advil better be close by.

And an orthotic insert from Walmart…



I Ran My First 10K. And Survived…

(I have been off-line for a bit, traveling, getting my head together, and actually blogging for a non-profit about our Mission Trip to Guatemala – I think I’ll be  back to my regularly scheduled sarcasm soon!)

Check this one off the bucket list y’all.

The Peachtree Road Race.

I have lived in Atlanta on and off for over 40 years (mostly on) and every Fourth of July I watch as thousands (like 60K) of people get up early, get on Marta, and go run or walk this famous 6 plus mile race on our famous Peachtree Street.

And every year, I said I was gonna do it.

One year I got a number but it was right after 9/11 so I totally wimped out and fearing dying on the streets in my Target gym shorts and Spam T-shirt, I gave away my number.

Take that Al Qaeda.

Anyhoo, fearing I would ALWAYS regret not at least ATTEMPTING to get across the finish line, I signed up this year.

I joined a fun running group at the urging of a friend (ok, begging) called No Boundaries. It’s a fun organization designed to get you out there on the roads for friendship and health and in my case, plantar fasciitis. More on that later. We jog each Monday and Wednesday evenings during the week and start the sloooowwwwww way. Perfect!

Week One : Run 1 minute, walk 4 minutes. Hell yeah, I GOT THIS!!!

Week Ten : Run 4 minutes, walk one. Kill. Me. Now.

But I did it. And ran a 5K (well, walked and ran, that’s a secret to this whole fiasco I didn’t know of and the reason I stick with it).

I thought THAT was long.

But I got the T Shirt. Boom.

So the Peachtree was next.

I signed up last March and planned on training for it. Mostly so I wouldn’t be carried off by hot Atlanta Fire Dept. guys in my Target shorts and you know…

But, guess who showed up to the party???

Plantar Faciitis.

First I thought I was just having heel pain. Thinking maybe diabetes? Arthritis? Old Age? Bad shoes???

Nope, Web MD saved the day and told me I had this thing that makes the muscles and ligaments sore-especially runners and athletes get it a lot. WOO HOO – I have a RUNNING INJURY I CAN TELL EVERYONE ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!

But I was not going to bag on the Peachtree. Unless of course, it was 80 plus degrees and humid at 8 am that morning. Sadly Arthur the hurricane helped us out and it was 67 and dry.

Time to hoof it for the coveted T Shirt.

I was in the next to last pack of folks to start. By that time all the Elite Runners were in their hotels showered with their Starbucks…

But it was the party pack and I was with my people. As we got waved to start, the local radio station started blasting Sugar Hill Gang’s Apache. One of my all time faves. Next to me was a guy dressed in a grass skirt with a coconut bra on.

I was going to be OK.

And here’s the thing. All ages, sizes, abilities, races, were out there. The right half of the street were walking. The left half were jogging. I was in the middle.

Mile 4 was the turning point. It was up hill from there. All of a sudden both sides of the street were walking. Totally no guilt! There were photographers a few hundred feet before the finish. All I can say is no. That was NOT a Kodak Moment for me.

As I limped over the finish line with sweat in places I didn’t know could get sweaty, sore hips, a numb left foot, shin splints and wobbly knees all I could think of was – I am HUNGRY and I need a REAL COKE.

And I came in 49,616 out of 60,000. Not last, not first. Hell I’m 54.

Nothing changes.

But I got that shirt. And wear it proudly. It is a badge of honor in Atlanta.

So what’s next?

Not sure, but joining No Boundaries again in September.

Week One:  Run 1 minute, walk four minutes.

I so got this.



My Secret Second Life – or Why I Still Have a Fanny Pack

f51potteryIn all of my spare time-since there is so much of that-I am a closet thrift store and Goodwill stalker. It’s an addiction that I probably will never give up. Because at least once a week I find an item that makes me want to take it, run up to the counter and pay for it so fast before the shop employees find out what it is. I mean, I get the nervous sweats when this happens. Better than sex I tell you!

This past week, I had not one, but THREE of those finds. The first was at Goodwill – I found a nearly brand new Longchamps backpack just hanging there on the rack for $4.95. It retails new over $100 and is a chic fave of college girls. THEN, I found a pair of pink and green Lilly Pulitzer capris for $3.95 at a thrift store. THEN, I found an all leather John Romain bag at this off the beaten path thrift store that I just decided to pull in to in a sketchy area for a dollar.

SCORE! Dooney (l)  Gucci (r) @me
SCORE! Dooney (l) Gucci (r) @me

Be still my heart.

For years I have antiqued and flea market shopped here in the southeast. There is no junk shop or thrift dive left uncovered in my little corner of the world.  My goal is to do a portion of the Longest Yard Sale this summer. And attend the Hollywood Bowl Flea this year. And Brimfield in Massachusetts, and Charlotte and Mt. Dora….that’s a lot of miles on the ol’ truck. I think I’m gonna need a bigger fanny pack.

I have an antique booth at The Green Bean Exchange here in Alpharetta, Georgia, and the monthly Lakewood 400 Antiques Market in Cumming. It’s more work than you can imagine but it is so much fun and the people are crazy, hilarious, fun, and very knowledgeable about their items.

Retro glasses, anyone?
Retro glasses, anyone?

I collect and sell mostly vintage tablecloths, transferware, old silver, some shabby chic pieces, vintage jewelry and vintage purses. I have been making tote bags out of vintage tablecloths I have collected over the years and also ones rescued from tablecloth purgatory with holes or stains on them. I have found the secret sauce that in 90% of the cases will get 50-year-old stains out of these things (a little original Dawn dish detergent, some peroxide and baking soda-make into paste and rub it on the stain) that I saw on Facebook. Don’t tell me Facebook is a waste of time…

My booth in Alpharetta
My booth in Alpharetta

This is the other part of the mermaid life many of y’all may not know about. Lots of people have secret second lives. I do carry around cash rolled up, I do try to keep this off the credit card, I arrange my errands to include antique malls and junk shops. I even arrange travel to include the passion. Mine happens to involve an affair with the past. And a Coach fanny pack.

Makes BC crazy until I bring him home something cool, like a vintage wood planer (yawn but gets his heart rate up), old cool tools, or in the case of a Goodwill score, a set of Leffe (that’s a Dutch beer he LOVES) beer glasses in mint condition for 5 bucks. It doesn’t take much people.

So, I bought a sewing machine at Goodwill this weekend. I am officially in my middle age crafting phase. God help me.

You can visit my Etsy Shop-The Happy Flea and see more items!happfleapic

Never Trust a Fart – and 21 Things You Need to Know at Midlife

  1. Get a bra fitting – be amazed and fascinated at what your true size is! Believe me, I thought I was in the 34’s until recently. Denial is a river in Egypt.playtex

2. Get a brow job and makeoverSephora is your new best friend. Or the Mac counter if you can take the music and the transgenders doing your lipstick. A gal at Sephora got ahold of me last week. I asked the innocent question-What is your BEST brow pencil? And I got a wonderful tutorial and an instant face lift. Do it, it’s worth it!

3. QUIT with the high school hair-all I’m gonna say is if you still have the SAME hairdo as you did in your senior picture in 1978, get thee to a salon now! Farrah is (literally) dead. So is Annette Funicello – let’s get into 2014 and try something current.

RIP Farrah...oh and the sweater
RIP Farrah…oh and the sweater

4. Get a mammogram, colonoscopy, pap smear, stress test. It’s time. I don’t care if you just ran a half marathon or did hot yoga with the hot dude from town. Do it. Besides, a colonoscopy is a good 5 lbs gone and instant detox!

5. Moisturize-everything. Every day. Use the GOOD stuff, not the cheap Walmart stuff on your face at nite. Wear Sunscreen on your face. Let me tell you, I had a friend get a total facelift a couple of year ago, she looked like ET for a month, then a battered wife for the next and it still took a year for most of the scarring to heal and that surprised look to go away. I ain’t got that kinda time.
6. Exfoliate-this is the new mantra today-especially if you are hitting midlife. And let me tell you, you will be surprised at how well this works. I’ve been using Rodan and Fields exfoliate and AMP system and it has worked miracles. And no, I am not a rep. Also your body too-my calfs look like they belong in Gator World so I got that coconut palm oil sprayer thingie and do that in the shower. Works like a charm.

This stuff is the BEST
This stuff is the BEST

7. Pedicures-there is nothing worse than skanky toes in sandals. Please get a pedicure.

8. Carbs are not your friends-or rather, simple carbs are evil. Especially to me. And my teenager just got a job at a bagel place FTW. If its white, sugary and starchy you will end up with a muffin-which is what they are made of.


9. Travel--go go go. Get a passport if you don’t have one. If anything you’ll feel kinda worldly. Take a girls trip. How cathartic are those??? I’m sorry but there is nothing better than sitting around a beach or mountain condo with your closest girlfriends drinking wine, laughing and telling stories. It’s that “Ok, so I’m not so crazy after all moment” that we all need once in a while

10. Keep toilet paper in your car at all times-trust me on this one…you just never know

11. Keep a journal

12. Get a decent camera-don’t rely on your smartphone to hold all your precious memories and porno shots. One drop in a toilet, or fall to a tile floor and all that could be gone, then you have to go to the phone store and have some basement nerd restore your pics. Woo hoo.  Back that baby up once a week at best. Get a nice digital camera-they now have wireless ones that you CAN post to Facebook, etc and still have that shot on a card you can download to your computer.

13. Try caviar – time to get adventurous with your food. Ok, I hate caviar but I love nigiri sushi-the really raw slab of fish (tuna especially) on hunk of rice. I also have found that quinoa, rice noodles, peppers and fried gator tail are pretty damn good. If you’ve made it this far without a major food issue, go for it. Still not sure about the chocolate crickets though.

14. Drink a Scotch – no carbs, no sugar and low cal. Also makes you more sophisticated, well maybe. Shots are so Carlos and Charlie’s in Cancun on a cheap cruise. Or Fireball Whiskey-oooh weeeeeeee

NOT a good idea...
NOT a good idea…

15. Get a car with heated seats-I will NEVER NEVER have a car again without heated seats. I don’t care how much the addition is, this one option is worth every penny. Especially if you are over 50

16. Fiber Fiber Fiber

17. Get a crock pot – you are busy and having a good time-makes cooking so easy

18. Buy anything with the word Astro in it – good advice from a wise sage in my family. I’ll leave it at that…
19.  Never trust a fart – especially during exercise. At this phase I have learned that if I am going to run, or downward dog, lactose is advised after exercising

20. Do exercise that you LIKE – so that means if you like to do the naked dance while doing laundry, its exercise in my book so go ahead with your bad self and pop a move-just make sure not to pop a hip.
And last but certainly not least (for this list anyway):

21. A Great Shoe and a Great Handbag don’t Judge…. You can be a size 14 or a size 6 and they will always be there for you to perk up your day. Don’t skimp and don’t wear Clarke’s on a date…

Oh HELL to The NO
Oh HELL to The NO

So, lucky for us, mom jeans are making a comeback, and MiracleSuits are on sale at Costco. Good luck my girlfriends-the ride is better HERE than anywhere!


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Hot Flash Friday – Whew, I Need to Retire to my Chaise, I have the Vapors….

Well press my watch and slap your momma, what a week!


Seem like lots of you enjoyed my Scarlett-infused post about our little ice storm this week in Atlanta. I am here to say that even in 2014, there are still some peeps out there that get high blood pressure when we try to defend our area here, even if it is a major international city (yes, we even have an Ecuadorean restaurant that serves up braised Guinea Pig). Oh well, and remember people, 150 years ago we LOST…..

Typically I try to do a week wrap on this here site. When I can-because, you know, I am sooo busy…..So here goes:

There was an article on the Huffington Post about how wearing torture devices like Spanx are not good for your internal organs. Well, DUH--I could have told you that. Last time I did I tried to eat a Hardee’s double heart attack burger and I damn near died. I’ll NEVER wear something like that, unless, of course, I’m on the red carpet…


The Grammys were fun to watch. Even if I didn’t know most of the people in the categories except for Rock. You know you are getting older when you enjoy classical rock piano with Metallica. Steven Tyler really needs to do something about that hair (now I’m sounding like my mother), and if Taylor Swift finds the love of her life, gets married, and starts a family her career is OVER.

Justin Bieber needs a spanking.

And Miley and Madonna – oh honey (Madge), I get it-you are trying to stay relevant-we ALL are at 50 plus, but you are trying WAAAAYYYYY too hard. We are here trying to RAISE our teens, not BE one.

@Huffington Post
@Huffington Post

I have a close girlfriend that is recovering from a major surgical procedure to erase her stomach cancer. So I spent time in the ER with her this week while she was getting some fluids(she’s fine, just dehydrated). Anyhoo, it’s a teaching hospital and we were hoping for hot interns like the last time, but on a Sunday, not so lucky. Boo Hoo. She has taught me more about faith than any church has. Will be writing about that later.

I am an estate sale and thrifting addict and spent some time estate sale hunting this weekend. I found some great stuff. However, at one sale I did pass up on some partially used laxative bottles. Wow-I am amazed at what these people put a price tag on.

Super Bowl is this Sunday. The only reason I like it is for the commercials and the food. Here is my go-to recipe man pleasing Sausage Dip that will make you famous at this party-you need 1 can Rotel Diced Tomatos (I use original), 2 blocks of cream cheese (softened makes it easier) and one thingie of Jimmy Dean Sausage (I use spicy and sometimes I sneak in the turkey sausage (evil laugh). Brown the sausage in a skillet till done, drain, then add the cream cheese and the Rotel and stir until all blended. Serve in a bowl (I use a small crock pot to keep it warm) with Fritos Scoops. It. Is. Fabulous! Caution-this recipe is neither Spanx or waistline friendly. But who cares, it’s super good.

If you get a chance – check out these related articles about the snow/ice storm in our area, and take a peek at SnowedOutAtlanta on Facebook. This site has done more amazing acts of kindness in 48 hours than we can ever do in a year of paying for someone’s coffee behind us in Starbucks.

Welcome to all my new friends! You can also sign up there on the right hand side to get me in your email in box. All emails are confidential and I do not spam (don’t know how to if I tried, haha) and like my page over there on the Facebook!

As Seen On TV!


I broke down.

I’d had enough.

I’ve sunk to the lowest of style lows.

I bought an “As Seen on TV!” Bra.

RIP Nordstrom bra lady, RIP Wacoal, RIP Victoria.

Here’s the secret:

It’s the most comfy brassiere (that’s French for bra, you know) I have EVER owned.

The other day, wounded and disheartened shopping through Walmart with my teenager who has now decided to decorate her bedroom in tacky leopard print and Xbox posters (It’s a phase It’s a phase, I know…gah…), I happened upon the section in the front-you know the one, the one by all the seasonal items-by the way, Valentine’s anyone?-that has the collection of egg timers, nose hair clippers, at home laser hair removal, chopper/shredders, bamboo steamers that you see on TV ads at 2 am while you are in the throes of a menopausal (or other) insomnia laden night. Some of you may remember the ShamWow for Christmas incident? BC is lucky to be alive, is all I can say…


I had seen the ad for the bras during a Kardashian marathon on E, but didn’t pay much attention to it, except for the part about hiding that nasty back fat. Oh, and the straps stay put, and the support. But anyway…

There they were. Front and center on the shelf in my local mega store and ONLY $19.95 for TWO!!!! I am a sucker for a deal.

So when you look on the back of the box for your size there is this chart:

So many sizes, so little time...
So many sizes, so little time…

When is the last time you really really had the girls measured? I mean, be honest.  For me it’s probably been 18 years and before I had my daughter. So I figured I was about a 38C ish.

Um, No.

So I thought, surely I am about a 38 C, D, E (F,G) and bought the XL.

When I got home, and I pulled it out of the box, it sure didn’t look like an XL. But, excited, I wriggled it over my head (think Spanx) and pulled and moved stuff around and got them all in there situated.

Still some boob fat on the side. That won’t do.

So I adjusted some more and voila! I need the next size up. Yay me.

I decided to wear it anyway. It was mostly a glorified sports bra with padding (that you can remove) without all the guilt about wearing it while NOT doing a sport. Genius!

And comfy.

I suggest you try it out.

And I will be going a size up. If for any reason but to go buy another box of 2. That’s 4 bra’s at about 10 bucks each. Such a deal!

So, buh bye Nordy, Wacoal, Vickie! You can take your wash in a lingerie bag in a gentle cycle and lay flat to dry $40 bra and shove it.

I’m taking the money I saved and going back to buy that at home laser hair removal kit.

I already have the super chopper.


Oh, and this isn’t a sponsored bra post. By anybody. Just little old me liking something I thought I would never in a lifetime buy…

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I Don’t Do Resolutions – More like Revelations

I love when the new year comes. It’s a new beginning for everyone. All the sappy resolutions, commitments, announcements of being a better person, yada yada yada.


Give it two weeks. Or two days. Let’s see how that diet, healthy, faithful, blah blah goes the minute you get hit with the baseball bat of stress at work, home or play…

Okay, so I am being snarky. Yeah, I get it–sorry, but this realist has decided to make some realistic revelations for the new year.

Bear with me:

1.  I have neglected this blog in 2013. I was profoundly wordy in 2012 and not so much in 2013. Life just got in the way (my parents started reading it) and all the promises at these blog conferences and workshops that are a bit pricy extol that you can MONETIZE!! Yes, stand out, be paid, revel in the oodles of money you are going to make. Guess what, the folks making money blogging are the ONES who put on the conferences and classes! DUH. So I resolve to let what ever happens happen. I will pick wisely where I spend what little money I have to enhance this thing called ‘writing’.

2.  I lacked focus in 2013. In life, parenting, writing, work. Too many situations pulling me in too many different directions. Some I could absolutely not write about. Some I did. So in 2014 the focus will be back. It will be The Year Of Writing Dangerously (I bought the book)…


3.  There is no such thing as a DIET. There is such a thing as watching what you eat, being healthy both of mind and body. If those two ain’t together you can fuggedaboutit. I did join Weight Watchers and it is working. Slow and steady wins the race. And the skinny jeans.

4.  I need to read more. In the last week I have downloaded or bought about 6 different books to start the year off. I go in and out of reading binges and I’m feeling one coming on, as long as I can get to level 320 of Candy Crush first.

5.  I know social media is a total time suck. Just look at my house. I love it for the connections I have made, but hate it for being such a large part of my day catching up. Time to hit the delete button for: People who only post quotes, people who only post political stuff-especially the inflammatory (yeah, BC, take it down a notch…), all the animal rescue sites–good GOD, WTF-hand me my Prozac I can’t take it! All the I never post anything about anything UNTIL I go on a fabulous vacation then I post a gazillion pictures a day people, people who only use it for self promotion for their business, multi-level or otherwise, Girlfriends who only post relentless selfies and nothing else-I’m thinking profile pics should be consistent, but whatever. So I guess that will leave me with about 100 out of 1000 people but quality, not quantity, right?


6.  I will take control of my house back from my animals. I will stay away from PetsMart on adoption day. Do not believe these statements from rescue people: He’s housebroken (unless he eats the cat food, then he will have diarrhea for two days all over your hardwood floors), She was living in an apartment and had to get rid of the dog (it lived in a crate 24/7 and now will not get near one and has anxiety issues when you leave), He’s fine with cats! Just not small children (which is code for hates cats), If he doesn’t work out bring him back (changes phone number and disappears from Google maps), He doesn’t bark much that we know of (because he is so traumatized at the rescue facility that he doesn’t bark but after a week in your home he decides ever sound is a threat and will bark non-stop). And I will stop feeling guilty that I feed them grocery store-bought food and not the wheat-free, holistic, herbal, ground up tofu $50 a bag crap from the pet boutique.


7.  I will live on a budget. This will be terrifying for me, as I know how to calculate the price/earnings ratio of a company, but can not balance a checkbook for the life of me. So, BC, just give me an amount and then make a warning sound like a gong or something when I get close to the zero balance.

8.  On Sunday I will make a grocery list for the week. Scratch that. Not happening.

9.  I will no longer be the mom who has all the teens over all the time. They are using up my toilet paper, drinking all my Diet Cherry Cokes (the NERVE) and eating me out of house, Tostitos, and my yummy taquitos from Costco, putting cigarette butts in my planters at night (Yeah, I know who you are) and making my driveway look like a redneck used car lot. Buh Bye. Go to your houses. Have a nice day. Or I start charging a cover fee. Get used to it, it’s college prep for all those fun bars you will be going to on your parent’s nickel.

10.  Me and BC will travel more. And stay more than 48 hours (he’s with the airlines). I know he hates hotel rooms but he has NO idea how much I love the peace, the maid service, and those cute little shampoos and shit.

@Alan Light FLickr Creative Commons
@Alan Light FLickr Creative Commons

11. I will put on a bathing suit this year. I will purge my closet of all those ‘hopeful’ outfits that I will never wear again-you know the ones-but I may be going to a black tie affair this year (yeah, right). I will eat at home more. I will not eat another diet frozen meal again-they do not look like their cover photo and I don’t believe in photo-shopped food. I am giving up on my wish for a farm with chickens. I’m looking, however, to find a nice lake place. Never give up on a dream.

I will enjoy 2014 so much more than 2013. And if any of these get broken in the next week or so I don’t have to tell you anyway. At least not on Facebook…


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I Want To Thank All Of The Little People Out There…

I FINALLY won a real life, aw shucks, kiss my ring, legit blogging award!

I am in Circle of Moms Top 25 Southern Moms - 2013!

Ok, so in the end, they are still kinda popularity contests but I am in this year’s group of Circle of Moms (a huge site) Top 25 Southern Moms 2013 blogging awards! Out of 59 bloggers no less.

OK, I came in 7th. But that’s just fine and dandy with me.  And, I am pretty sure I am the only mom on the Top 25 who hasn’t bought a box of Tampax in over 2 years. Yay midlife moms–we rock!

I want to thank all of you who supported my incessant begging over the last couple of weeks and I promise it won’t happen again. OK, maybe it will. Not sure yet.

I made it through the evening gown section:


The bathing suit competition was HELL.

But I did win the talent composition:


Really wowed the judges. It is also a great trick when meeting in-laws for the first time. Not that I did that or anything…

So, now I get to put this little badgie on my blog so that I can finally show people that I am here to stay. Not that I am paying the mortgage with this or anything…

On to bigger and better things!


Caribbean Queen…


In 1984 I had the BEST. JOB. EVER.

It was where I learned the sales game, and the thrill of the deal.

I was hired by a then rock and roll FM radio station in Greensboro NC that soon after changed to top 40. I was a year out of college, had worked in non-profit (read: no money) and had considered being a flight attendant. The FA option was nixed after I found out I would be on call 24/7 and would have to curtail my incessant partying with my friends. Flying with a raging hangover is worse than childbirth.

On my first day I had top sales training. It consisted of, “Here’s the Yellow Pages, go sell some air time.”

So I went door to door to every strip mall in Winston-Salem and talked it up incessantly to store owners, businesses and bars. After a couple of months I landed the account of all accounts, a national lube store. Nirvana I tell you. I was finally able to move out of my ancient roach infested apartment in to a brand new complex with a pool.

We got free tickets to concerts all the time. The radio crowd is a hard-core partying group (at that time). I did voice overs in my spare time for commercials. When people asked where I worked and I told them 107.5 KZL FM, they thought I was a rock star. It was the most fun a 24-year-old could have in a job with their clothes on.

And every week, Monday through Friday, I got in my little blue Toyota Tercel and hit the streets looking for the next deal. And listening to my station. Every time I hear Caribbean Queen it brings me back to those single days and the first time I felt like I was really grown up and making my own money.

Like college, without the classes but the same hangover…



This post is part of the Generation Fabulous Blog Hop – Our favorite summer songs–check out some of the other posts below!