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celebrities

Ok, That’s it, I’m Out… 

Ok Republicans, that’s it, I’m OUT.

I am breaking up with you. It’s not me, it’s you. I was never really a full fledged member in the first place…

  
I grew up a Democrat, then became a Reagan Democrat, then became an independent contractor and then the first time I looked at THAT tax return I became a conservative.

Sort of. 

Anyway, for your party to let a dude with a bad spray tan, horrendous comb over, who’s on his third wife, who starred in a reality show with Gary Busey and Nene Leakes  and then went bankrupt multiple times to win these primaries and you can not bring anyone decent to the prom is ridiculous. 

Cruz? Hello that guy was definitely given swirlies in middle school.

  
Rubio? Napoleon complex. A little bratty.

Carson? Who needs Ambien  when you’ve got him-I mean for the most part he will bore our enemies to death so there’s that. 

Kasich? Who?

Jeb? You let him get to you – big mistake, BIG big mistake.

Christie? First of all , fire the doc that did your gastric bypass- really shitty job in my opinion…

It’s gotten so expensive and so contentious and so awful to run for the big house in this country none of the good people will do it. Your ego needs to be the size of Texas to run or Trump Tower. 

So Big Don, if you build that wall you know your golf courses and landscaping at your homes and businesses is gonna start looking pretty shitty. 

And I’d like to see you bully Putin. That ought to work out REALLY well for us. 

And do you have ANY idea how they will decorate the White House? It will make Kanye look likes he lives in Restoration Hardware. 

I used to be worried about your party and my uterus. I was becoming worried about your marriage and religious stances. But this guy? 

  
Now I know the GOP has lost its collective mind and obviously does NOT have the cohesiveness to put up a decent candidate. I mean Sarah Palin, really? 

I should have known then. 

Big Don is seriously messing with you. If you don’t think by November the party will be in shambles I have news for you. 

Republicans, Please PLEASE get some cojones- get him OUT. 

So I am done. I’m still a moderate. But I’m going to take my vote somewhere I’m treated like the somewhat educated person I am. 

American Idol.

Yo, MAP, Where You Been??

I took a sabbatical from writing.

And I have better posture for doing it. Mom will be happy.

The last year I have had many many changes and life events going on. Some were AWESOME and a few were some that will make your hair grey.

That’s life honey, not for sissies.

The ONE THING that I have learned is the old saying:

strong

I know, cliché, but it’s freekin true.

Sooo, in the last year or so I learned some things:

  • I don’t lose weight when I am stressed therefore I will never get divorced because the Divorce Diet will not get me a new man.
  • I will NEVER EVER rescue another dog with the REMOTEST DNA of Chihuahua in it.
  • Do NOT buy the cheap pads. Poise all the way!
  • When your parents become hard of hearing, it’s really not that bad. Except for the TV that I can hear from Florida. And the yelling.
  • When you travel especially overseas, you really only need 2 pairs of black pants, Uggs, ortho inserts, a camera, a jacket and deodorant.
  • Centre Court Wimbledon IS all that and a bag of chips. Or a glass of Pimms. Oh, and don’t make fun of the “Ugly English Old Dude” sitting next to you. He just may be the president of the All England Club…

 

 

wimbledon (7 of 9)
Amazing Serena @rustystirrupphotography

 

  • I totally fan girled over this beautiful young husband I met at an AirBNB we stayed at in England who’s best friends with Andrew Lincoln. THAT was embarrassing….

 

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - OCTOBER 02: Andrew Lincoln arrives at AMC's "The Walking Dead" Season 5 Premiere held at AMC Universal City Walk on October 2, 2014 in Universal City, California. (Photo by Michael Tran/FilmMagic)

  • The correct pronunciation of the word HAM in Spanish is ‘hambon’ NOT ‘jambone’.
  • I love Guatemala.

    Me and Shari on an avocado, coffee and children's mission on Lake Atitlan
    Me and Shari on an avocado, coffee and children’s mission on Lake Atitlan
  • I still dig through  and buy dead’s people’s stuff (estate sales)
  • My mom is seriously a trooper – we took her on a pass (not recommended) to Amsterdam and Germany this past spring. Surprise! There are very few escalators in European train stations.
  • I started my own skin care franchise. Yep, you heard me right the first time. E-commerce all the way baby, work from home and can still junk, travel and write. Because the former three can’t pay all the bills. And I get to dress up nice again, go to a couple of meetings, a convention, and meet some pretty awesome, normal, and driven women. And the product works.Docs

 

 

I’ve also learned about patience, love, forgiveness, prayer, charity, dignity and hope.

And I guess those were my most important lessons this year!

 

Looking For A Miracle in Costco

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Once in a while you can never pass up an opportunity to laugh at
with your mother.
Yesterday Mom and Dad went for their weekly scouting mission at Costco to stock up on cheap wine and lots of beef. Yes, they are in their late 70,s and still eat red meat and are healthier than ever.

Mom, being the fun young energetic silver sneaker chicklet that she is, happened upon the Miracle Suit at Costco. For a mere $39.95 this too can be the bathing suit of your dreams, they are typically over $100 each. So, sucked down the rabbit hole of eternal hope she took one home. With high expectaions she started pulling it on. And pulling, and pulling. With my Dad in the background making hilarious comments as this ensued. It is, after all, one of the reasons they’ve been married 50 plus years…

After 15 minutes of pulling, she gave up after only getting it past her calves and Dad threatening to call the fire department to cut her out of it. The miracle dashed, she was in tears, of laughter. After all, if mom told us that she broke her hip getting in to a bathing suit, it wouldn’t result in much empathy from us. I understand her pain. I bought one too. It’s still on the form in my closet and I think I’m gonna need one of those sweat wraps to get in to it. Miracle Suit = oxymoron.

BeyonceGate

That Solange can seriously open a can of whoop ass. This is one time I wished I worked security for a hotel. Six figures for the video. So I lose my job. Who cares, I’d be happily unemployed on a beach in St Tropez.

I don’t think I’ve EVER been that angry at one of my in laws. And yes, all families have issues and problems but I don’t hink I have ever gone all WWE on anyone in my family. There have been some times with the teenagers. Just goes to show that all the money in the music world can’t keep you from losing it in an elevator.

Baba Wawa retires from The View

Bummer. All I want to know is who does her face. I need that number. She’s like in her EIGHTIES.

Hillary Clinton on Walking Dead! Coming This Fall
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According to Karl Rove, Hillary is making a guest appearance on TWD this fall. Surprise guest appearance. As Darryl’s Ivy League alcoholic redneck mom in flashbacks. Pant suits will never be the same. And that crazy Karl has been reported missing from the psych ward again…

Some of my favorite stories this week come from Lori Wescott of Loripalooza and Leslie Marinelli in LifeTime Moms. I think Lori and I live in the same hood, and prom-posals are getting ridiculous. What happened to the days when you were a teen girl waiting on THAT phone call from McDreamy that never came? We didn’t even have caller ID so at least we could have let that call from dork bait go to voice mail. So the guy who makes your skin crawl in biology shows up at your home with the marching band, Justin Timberlake and a truckload of roses and you say no?

The 24 hour date that lasts 23 hours and 55 minutes too long.

I’ll get back on the wagon with this blog-and I have started another one for my vintage linen and junk business called The Happy Flea so you can find me over there too!

Networking and Scotch-It Works For Me!

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It’s nice to have friends in cool places. This is why I love networking-you never know who you are going to meet and how you can connect with each other to experience things you never thought possible.

Take for instance last year. I was tweeting with some other bloggers when I saw a call for bloggers to go to NYC to participate on a TV show. If you know me, I replied immediately to my soon to be new blogging BFF Julie Deneen of Julie Deneen 2.0 and Fabulous Blogging fame. The next thing I know I am at the CBS TV center in Manhattan at 7am waiting to participate as a tweeter/blogger for the Anderson Cooper Show!

We are BFF's now - Me and Deborah Norville at the former AC Show
We are BFF’s now – Me and Deborah Norville at the former AC Show

Last month I had the opportunity to review the new Jason Bateman movie, Bad Words, for Midlife Boulevard in Beverly Hills. I reached out to Leslie Marinelli of The Bearded Iris when I first started blogging 2 years ago (she lives near me, so I celebrity stalked her) and after a thorough background check she met me for lunch and we’ve become fast friends-she likes me even though none of my pets have prolapsed penises

This weekend, a good friend and up and coming Atlanta Designer Steve McKenzie and his wife Jill invited me to a blogger event at the American Craft Council’s craft show-it was a Scotch tasting with Balvenie Scotch. Steve is an artist and designer and he and Jill opened up a fabulous shop in town last year called Steve McKenzie’s. It is truly a treat with beautiful Grange furniture, accessories and table settings, Moleskine, pottery, china, Colsen Keane leather, and signature Steve McKenzie fabric. It’s becoming the hot new place to go for the Atlanta design trade and trend setting home owners.

http://stevemckenzies.com
GORGEOUS or WHAT???

I am not a food blogger, nor do I review much else but a few movies, books and restaurants. I am also a Cabernet girl so Scotch is not on my radar, even though it is always on BC’s. My last sip of Scotch was Johnny Walker Red in college on a date with a rich golfer frat boy to an ACC football game and it didn’t end well.

Johnny Walker Red – 1, Mary Anne – 0.

Suffice it to say it’s been 30 years since my last drink of Scotch (or Wild Turkey Bourbon–this Southern girl doesn’t do the hard stuff well).

But since I am adventurous, enjoy Jill, and got free admission to a craft show and free Scotch, I was game. It is, after all, networking

We went to a presentation by one of the reps from Balvenie Distillery in Scotland.  We tasted 4 flights of whisky (that’s without the E you see) from Scotch aged 12 years to one aged 21 years. And there IS a difference in taste and Scotch DOES have a bouquet and you DO stick your nose in the cute glass and sniff it. Just like boxed wine, uh huh.

scotch

And either my taste buds have matured, I’ve matured, or it was that those college memories have receded, but I really loved this Scotch. Of course, my favorite was the PortWood Balvenie aged 21 years in vintage port (the wine) pipes to the tune of around $250 a bottle.

I’m worth it.

My other favorite was the Caribbean Cask, aged 14 years in Caribbean rum casks-light and with fruit and vanilla overtones I thought that this was a great second place to the PortWood – and less expensive.

Oh, and Scotch doesn’t fill you up, has no added sugar, pairs well with dark chocolate and is totally Mad Men. One ounce of Scotch has 56 calories, zero carbs and zero sugar. And apparently men really dig a gal that orders a Scotch. I did my research and I can justify just about anything-it’s in my genes.

Thank you Jill and Steve – thank you Balvenie! See, networking IS important!

So guess what-I do enjoy a good Scotch. I guess I am heading in to Greta Garbo territory – “Gimme a whisky. Ginger Ale on the side. And don’t be stingy, baby.”

greta

 

Hot Flash Friday-Oops, Tuesday – What’s a Skong????

HFF is when I round-up the week in my world and bring you fun things me and my wacky friends did last week (sorry I am a little late).  So I hereby dub today Better Late Than Never Because I Was Out of Town and It’s Hard to Post from a Smartphone Tuesday…

mekim

I visited one of my college BFF’s last week in Los Angeles. Many of you know I’m married to and airline pilot solely for the travel benefits. Hey, 25 plus years of free flights is worth the hassle of him wearing polyester uniforms, ugly underwear and t-shirts he has saved since high school.

So Live from Burbank! I scooted out here to review a Jason Bateman movie for Midlife Boulevard, shopped vintage studio clothing in Burbank, drank margaritas overlooking the LA Equestrian Center with a Willie Nelson impersonator while listening to the Swinging Armani Brothers, met an eccentric British owner of a thrift and prop shop that had an S&M Barbie and Ken (really)on display and a spinning globe hanging from the ceiling with aliens decorated in Santa hats. This place is way cool for a cracked southern suburban belle like me. I love finding out that there are way more crazies out there than me.

My girl friend out here has her own company that funds documentaries and raises money for green projects. When I arrived on Wednesday, she had just finished teaching a yoga class at the Hollywood Senior Center that was filled with fun retired gals and guys from the industry. That is just totally too cool in my book. Oh, and her hubs used to be an alien on Star Trek Next Generation and she knows some really fun peeps.

Does YOUR Husband have a bubblegum card???
Does YOUR Husband have a bubblegum card???

My sister from another mister – Menopausal Mom featured my post Love Me, Love My Cheeseburger on her Wacky Wednesday series. Check me out and definitely check her out too-she is amazingly funny and has been featured on some of the biggest humor sites out there.

Menopausal Mother

I am really upset at my favorite mind-numbing reality show, The Bachelor. I was like a teenage girl so giddy about Juan Pablo and come to find out that he is OBVIOUSLY in this for the notoriety, not for zee loooovvvee. Anyway, we still watch it because anything to drag us out of reality for two hours is great and so I offer you the stupid reasons why we watch it.

On Friday, we ventured to the Venice beach area – I was able to whip out my phone and snap some crazy! Will be loading to my Instagram -follow me @hellomap!

venicebeachcollage

The Olympics started this weekend and I will be covered up in blankets excited about watching skiing, skating and curling for 14 days. Because it’s the ONLY time I ever care about skiing, skating and curling. Poor Bob Costas, looks like the sheets in the hotel rooms are not doing his eyes any favors.

bob-costas-pink-eye-meme

And RANT coming:  Look, I am as progressive and wild as the next person but some of these ladies in figure skating are going down the Victoria’s Secret road and those costumes are starting to sport what I call skongs (skating thongs). I am sorry, but this mom would not let her teen go all butt-cheek on an international stage. It’s really hard to skate to Tchaikovsky with half your heinie hanging out.

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Just saying.

Oh, and our snow it back here in Atlanta. The Mayor and Gubner are all over the TV having CYA news conferences preparing for the second round of #Clusterflake2014.

Bless their hearts.

 

The Top 14 Reasons We Watch The Bachelor

 JPmeme

We gather around our televisions on Monday night with our smart phones or smart pads at the ready. Ready to toss out a comment, snarky or otherwise about a show that has a huge female audience watching other females ‘looking for love’.

Why do we watch it?

Why do we tweet, Facebook, and blog about it?

Why do we have such an obsession with who he or she ends up with, and if they going to make it?

It’s like watching a train wreck. The tears, the trips, the INCREDULOUS comments from 20 somethings saying they are in love with someone they have spent a total 20 minutes with after copious amounts of alcohol.
Although I remember MY twenties and we won’t go there…

So I was thinking last night about why we watch, and here it is:

The top 14 reasons we are addicted to The Bachelor

1. We love the first episode with everyone getting out of the limo. This is truly judgment time. It gets serious. We sit on our couches with our wine and popcorn and hoot and hollar at the girls arriving ( all liquored up too!)–it’s armchair quarterbacking for us girls!

2. Why is a guy/girl that looks like THAT on TV looking for a mate? Okay, that’s a rhetorical question – they want a spot on DWTS, a Star Magazine cover story and their own line of deodorant

3. Because the guy could have no teeth, a third nipple, an extra thumb and a hairy back and the girls would still be saying through their tears “But I thought we had a connection!”

4. Alcohol. Lots and lots of it.

5. The Epic Ugly Cry. It’s part of the audition, I’m sure of it

uglycry

6. Swanky hotels. Room service, maid service, bar service. Come on people-just a week of that would be all I needed to find a connection with Pee Wee Herman.

7. Travel. All expense paid travel,exotic locale travel. I mean, who wouldn’t like making out with someone in a straw hut in Tahiti. You wouldn’t even have to get me drunk to do that if I were in a straw hut in Tahiti. Even with back-hair dude.

8. The Fantasy Suite-will they or won’t they? More kissing and connecting. Um, yeah, connecting. I can guarantee they’ll probably connect a couple of times after all of that expensive champagne

fantasysuite

9. Hot tubs.

9a. Abs. Lots of them.

10. This is our Soap Opera. This show is The Young and The Restless with (kinda sorta) real people getting their hearts broken. We can relate to that. There’s always a stalker, a psycho, a randy divorcee, a beauty queen, an epic bitch, an ugly crier, and more. All they need is an amnesiac, evil twin and a kidnapped baby and we’d have ourselves a great soap!

11. It also proves that just because someone went to grad school doesn’t mean they have the best judgement .

12. We love to read the hilarious tweets and Facebook posts about the show. We even contribute our own! Check out the author Jennifer Weiner on Twitter. Make sure you haven’t had a sip of anything when you read her tweets because it will end up on your screen- she is so funny.

13.  The thought of kissing someone who has been kissing 20 other people totally skeeves us out. There’s not enough Listerine in those girl’s bathrooms to kill what’s probably going around.

14. And that final moment when Captain Obvious Chris Harrison ALWAYS says, “Ladies, it’s the Final Rose”

So we sit back and say to our daughters, You will never, in THIS family, meet a guy on a TV show (but they can meet them on Match, Plenty of Fish, etc…). I, personally, would love to see an African-American Bachelor, a Gay Bachelor, a Middle Age Bachelor with MIDDLE AGE bachelorettes, and vice versa.

So next Monday night, join us, with your readers on, and your wine and chocolate, for the next installment of Looking To Hook UP with as Many The Bachelor!

Hot Flash Friday – Whew, I Need to Retire to my Chaise, I have the Vapors….

Well press my watch and slap your momma, what a week!

sorry-kids-no-more-snow-days

Seem like lots of you enjoyed my Scarlett-infused post about our little ice storm this week in Atlanta. I am here to say that even in 2014, there are still some peeps out there that get high blood pressure when we try to defend our area here, even if it is a major international city (yes, we even have an Ecuadorean restaurant that serves up braised Guinea Pig). Oh well, and remember people, 150 years ago we LOST…..

Typically I try to do a week wrap on this here site. When I can-because, you know, I am sooo busy…..So here goes:

There was an article on the Huffington Post about how wearing torture devices like Spanx are not good for your internal organs. Well, DUH--I could have told you that. Last time I did I tried to eat a Hardee’s double heart attack burger and I damn near died. I’ll NEVER wear something like that, unless, of course, I’m on the red carpet…

spanx

The Grammys were fun to watch. Even if I didn’t know most of the people in the categories except for Rock. You know you are getting older when you enjoy classical rock piano with Metallica. Steven Tyler really needs to do something about that hair (now I’m sounding like my mother), and if Taylor Swift finds the love of her life, gets married, and starts a family her career is OVER.

Justin Bieber needs a spanking.

And Miley and Madonna – oh honey (Madge), I get it-you are trying to stay relevant-we ALL are at 50 plus, but you are trying WAAAAYYYYY too hard. We are here trying to RAISE our teens, not BE one.

@Huffington Post
@Huffington Post

I have a close girlfriend that is recovering from a major surgical procedure to erase her stomach cancer. So I spent time in the ER with her this week while she was getting some fluids(she’s fine, just dehydrated). Anyhoo, it’s a teaching hospital and we were hoping for hot interns like the last time, but on a Sunday, not so lucky. Boo Hoo. She has taught me more about faith than any church has. Will be writing about that later.

I am an estate sale and thrifting addict and spent some time estate sale hunting this weekend. I found some great stuff. However, at one sale I did pass up on some partially used laxative bottles. Wow-I am amazed at what these people put a price tag on.

Super Bowl is this Sunday. The only reason I like it is for the commercials and the food. Here is my go-to recipe man pleasing Sausage Dip that will make you famous at this party-you need 1 can Rotel Diced Tomatos (I use original), 2 blocks of cream cheese (softened makes it easier) and one thingie of Jimmy Dean Sausage (I use spicy and sometimes I sneak in the turkey sausage (evil laugh). Brown the sausage in a skillet till done, drain, then add the cream cheese and the Rotel and stir until all blended. Serve in a bowl (I use a small crock pot to keep it warm) with Fritos Scoops. It. Is. Fabulous! Caution-this recipe is neither Spanx or waistline friendly. But who cares, it’s super good.

If you get a chance – check out these related articles about the snow/ice storm in our area, and take a peek at SnowedOutAtlanta on Facebook. This site has done more amazing acts of kindness in 48 hours than we can ever do in a year of paying for someone’s coffee behind us in Starbucks.

Welcome to all my new friends! You can also sign up there on the right hand side to get me in your email in box. All emails are confidential and I do not spam (don’t know how to if I tried, haha) and like my page over there on the Facebook!

Do You Love Him Enough To Keep His Head In A Bag?

Many of you know that I am a huge The Walking Dead fan.

I wrote about it last year – because a zombie is truly an angry woman in menopause…

Season 4 premiered this past Sunday and was fantastic. I mean, the last time I was in Walmart I wasn’t worried about zombies falling through the ceiling of the store, but you bet before I enter one again, I am going to take a look up on the roof. Just to make sure. Because the last thing I want to do is die in a Walmart buried under cans of Spaghetti-O’s with a zombie eating my leg off.

Nieman’s? Maybe. Walmart, NO.

The episode included Rick coming upon a dirty, hungry woman in the woods looking for food for her husband.  She pleaded and begged Rick to come back with her and meet him and possibly allow them to come to the safe haven Rick and company are currently residing in (which, by the way, is not looking so safe anymore…). The scene ends (spoiler alert!) with her trying to kill Rick to feed HIM to her husband.

Well, part of her husband.

Who is only a live zombie head, in a bag.

Uh, huh.

Who writes this stuff?

Luckily our hero and resident hottie Rick doesn’t become his latest Whopper with Cheese and the chick kills herself to be with headless hubs.

I'm thinking zombie land wouldn't be so bad if he and I were the only ones left....
I’m thinking zombie land wouldn’t be so bad if he and I were the only ones left….

Which begs me to ask this question. Do I love my better half to keep his zombie head in a bag and kill to feed him and live in the woods?

Tough question.

First of all, let’s clarify that I do love my BC (hubs). But let’s be realistic here.

If he is now only a head, he can’t work, can’t get paid, can’t mow the lawn, can’t kill a spider (for shitssake now I have to do that….), can’t pay bills, can’t cook a steak on the grill, can’t forget his keys and wallet around the house (well, he has no pockets-ha!), can’t change a tire, can’t take me out to dinner, can’t buy me flowers, can’t threaten the kids (I see it now-Just you wait till your father gets home-Oh yeah, just you wait till I get his head out of the bag and then he can groan and drool at you!), can’t take the trash out, can’t repair anything, you get my drift.

It’s a pretty easy decision for me.

I love you honey, but I am not keeping your head.

You’re well insured. Why screw that up?

 

I love sharing! Also, like my page on Facebook or better yet, subscribe so you won’t miss any of my witty, poignant, head injured posts…

News Flash- Most Teens Don’t Care about Miley…

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So who hasn’t weighed in on the issue? The Foam Finger Debacle last Sunday night has sent many bloggers in to orbit over that performance.

Tacky? Yes. Provocative? Yes. Porn? Yep. Ridiculous? Yes. Sad? Yes.

But guess what? If you think that all of a sudden our teenage daughters are going to mimic this behavior and think it’s normal, I have news for you.

They don’t care.

In fact, from my informal poll of 17 and her friends, MTV is just not on their radar, and they didn’t watch it. In fact, did not hear about it until Twitter blew up that night and even then they were deep in to their own dramas, homework, boyfriends, to even care or notice it.

So when I asked 17 if she and her friends talked about it I got the big eye-roll and the comment, Miley Cyrus????

No mom, we were at dinner with 10 other friends and it didn’t come up.

Because when they become teenagers, they do not care or notice what is going on in the outside world.

It is all about them.

Remember when they were toddlers and they were the center of their world and everyone else revolved around them keeping them from killing themselves, feeding them, putting them in strollers, picking out their clothes, making sure they napped, all to keep them happy?

When they turn 13-14, it all happens again. Once more, the outside world does not matter to them because it is all about their world and no one else’s.

So the more we talk about this in social media, the more famous it makes Miley become, and the more attention is brought to her performance. It is, after all, what she wanted, right?

And the Blurred Lines thing? Hate to tell ya, while you are having a stroke about the misognyny of that song, they are blasting Little Wayne, et al in their cars, at the gym, on their smart phones, during homework and more.

People, take a Xanax.

Because I can most certainly tell you that in the end, our girls will be happy, healthy, educated, and living in a normal home with family and friends.

While Miley twerks around in her 10 million dollar Brentwood mansion. Alone. With a foam finger for company.

Boo Frickem’ Hoo Oprah…

Beware – rant coming…

Oprah, girlfriend, I am SO OVER this nonsense about this pursegate issue in Switzerland. Has there ever been a more important topic to talk about this week than the fact that some Swiss snob in a pricey boutique wouldn’t show you a $38,000 bag?

Seriously?

How many of us minions really care that she treated you this way?

Because I think the REAL story is not because of your race, what we probably do not know is it was because you most likely went in there not all dolled up in war paint with your ‘Oprah Face’ on and looked like something your cocker spaniel just dropped on your back porch. My guess is that you went in there looking like most of us normal people and she didn’t recognize you.

Admit it sister-we all know what we look like without makeup and frankly at our age it’s not really pretty.

I mean, where on this planet, especially here and in Europe, would somebody (unless they lived in a cave) not recognize the mogul that is Oprah Winfrey?

Have you seen yourself without makeup lately?

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I mean, would you show a handbag that cost more than a Hyundai to this woman?

Or Her?

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Or Her?

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Or Her?

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Or Me?

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Look, I know how you feel. Sniff Sniff. I have been given the ‘side eye’ at Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Saks, Neiman Marcus, I could go on and on. I once was taking an Italian friend in to the Valentino boutique in Manhattan years ago and the doorman, yes the freeking DOORMAN, told us that we probably should not go in because we probably could not afford the merchandise in the store.

I kid you not.

I sympathize.

So let’s tell the world what really happened. You weren’t wearing your tv face and got busted.

Happens to all of us honey.

Next time just be honest.

We will respect you a whole lot more in the end.