Flea Markets

Pass the Perfume and Bring Me a Fan


This weekend I found out that I am getting to the age where going to the bathroom in a clean restroom is a right, not a privilege. You would think that since the porta potty was invented in 1962 by George Harding that it would have come a longer way in 60 plus years.

But it hasn’t.

Initially this device was invented for people who built and worked on ships-because finding a place to shit on a ship closer to the area you worked in was a necessity. Designed on the outhouse concept, ship workers were having to leave and walk all the way back to the docks to go drop the kids off at the pool. Made of wood and metal at first, they found that they were smelly.


So in the 1970’s they were made of fiberglass. They are still smelly. But on the flip side (ok, porta potty joke inserted here heh heh) they are lighter and easier to transport. And clean. The cleaning part is selective at events. Some do every day, some wait till the end.

Obviously where I was this weekend, they waited till the end.

Now I know us gals are for equal rights and all that but I am sorry, I just CAN’T go in a plastic crapper right after a 300 lb guy with tats, a Big Gulp and an ‘I’m with Stupid’ shirt on comes rambling out the door.


I. Just. Can’t.

At the end of the day, I’m still a delicate southern belle with (some) manners and a personal hygiene fetish. Showers are important to my mental and physical health. And so are clean hands.

And clean hienie.


I consider it the lowest depths of hell to go in a plastic box with an open toilet in 86 degree heat to get some relief. I’d rather wear astronaut diapers to an event than go in one of those things again.

I participated in an antique festival this weekend and besides the slow sales, me and the girls all around me were laughing AND complaining about the relief stations. I swear, we would have paid a dollar a poop to go in an air-conditioned, clean women’s room if they had it. Because in reality the people who make the most money at these things are the guy selling the funnel cakes, corn dogs and water at two bucks a bottle. Which is why they need these things.

I’m sensing a business here. Can you see me, in a pink trailer with ladies rooms, air conditioning, working sinks, fans-at a dollar a drop? I’m going to call it The Princess Pooper and am going on Shark Tank for funding.

Don’t steal my idea. I know lawyers.

So please Festival people, concert promoters, party planners, and all, at least can you DESIGNATE the chick shitter???? Would it kill you? Could the Porta Potty makers make pink potties with fans for goodness sakes?

Just until I get my funding.

You’re invited to my launch party. Bring a fan.

FUN FACT: The world record for the most porta potties assembled at one time occurred in 2009. During the inauguration of President Barack Obama, 5,000 porta potties were rented for the attendees of the event.

Oh those crazy Democrats…

I only need 12 MORE LIKES on my Facebook page right up there to the right to get to 2000-LIKE Forever 51 and I promise to keep us both entertained.

My Secret Second Life – or Why I Still Have a Fanny Pack

f51potteryIn all of my spare time-since there is so much of that-I am a closet thrift store and Goodwill stalker. It’s an addiction that I probably will never give up. Because at least once a week I find an item that makes me want to take it, run up to the counter and pay for it so fast before the shop employees find out what it is. I mean, I get the nervous sweats when this happens. Better than sex I tell you!

This past week, I had not one, but THREE of those finds. The first was at Goodwill – I found a nearly brand new Longchamps backpack just hanging there on the rack for $4.95. It retails new over $100 and is a chic fave of college girls. THEN, I found a pair of pink and green Lilly Pulitzer capris for $3.95 at a thrift store. THEN, I found an all leather John Romain bag at this off the beaten path thrift store that I just decided to pull in to in a sketchy area for a dollar.

SCORE! Dooney (l)  Gucci (r) @me
SCORE! Dooney (l) Gucci (r) @me

Be still my heart.

For years I have antiqued and flea market shopped here in the southeast. There is no junk shop or thrift dive left uncovered in my little corner of the world.  My goal is to do a portion of the Longest Yard Sale this summer. And attend the Hollywood Bowl Flea this year. And Brimfield in Massachusetts, and Charlotte and Mt. Dora….that’s a lot of miles on the ol’ truck. I think I’m gonna need a bigger fanny pack.

I have an antique booth at The Green Bean Exchange here in Alpharetta, Georgia, and the monthly Lakewood 400 Antiques Market in Cumming. It’s more work than you can imagine but it is so much fun and the people are crazy, hilarious, fun, and very knowledgeable about their items.

Retro glasses, anyone?
Retro glasses, anyone?

I collect and sell mostly vintage tablecloths, transferware, old silver, some shabby chic pieces, vintage jewelry and vintage purses. I have been making tote bags out of vintage tablecloths I have collected over the years and also ones rescued from tablecloth purgatory with holes or stains on them. I have found the secret sauce that in 90% of the cases will get 50-year-old stains out of these things (a little original Dawn dish detergent, some peroxide and baking soda-make into paste and rub it on the stain) that I saw on Facebook. Don’t tell me Facebook is a waste of time…

My booth in Alpharetta
My booth in Alpharetta

This is the other part of the mermaid life many of y’all may not know about. Lots of people have secret second lives. I do carry around cash rolled up, I do try to keep this off the credit card, I arrange my errands to include antique malls and junk shops. I even arrange travel to include the passion. Mine happens to involve an affair with the past. And a Coach fanny pack.

Makes BC crazy until I bring him home something cool, like a vintage wood planer (yawn but gets his heart rate up), old cool tools, or in the case of a Goodwill score, a set of Leffe (that’s a Dutch beer he LOVES) beer glasses in mint condition for 5 bucks. It doesn’t take much people.

So, I bought a sewing machine at Goodwill this weekend. I am officially in my middle age crafting phase. God help me.

You can visit my Etsy Shop-The Happy Flea and see more items!happfleapic