Category

Food

Networking and Scotch-It Works For Me!

balvenie-bottles

It’s nice to have friends in cool places. This is why I love networking-you never know who you are going to meet and how you can connect with each other to experience things you never thought possible.

Take for instance last year. I was tweeting with some other bloggers when I saw a call for bloggers to go to NYC to participate on a TV show. If you know me, I replied immediately to my soon to be new blogging BFF Julie Deneen of Julie Deneen 2.0 and Fabulous Blogging fame. The next thing I know I am at the CBS TV center in Manhattan at 7am waiting to participate as a tweeter/blogger for the Anderson Cooper Show!

We are BFF's now - Me and Deborah Norville at the former AC Show
We are BFF’s now – Me and Deborah Norville at the former AC Show

Last month I had the opportunity to review the new Jason Bateman movie, Bad Words, for Midlife Boulevard in Beverly Hills. I reached out to Leslie Marinelli of The Bearded Iris when I first started blogging 2 years ago (she lives near me, so I celebrity stalked her) and after a thorough background check she met me for lunch and we’ve become fast friends-she likes me even though none of my pets have prolapsed penises

This weekend, a good friend and up and coming Atlanta Designer Steve McKenzie and his wife Jill invited me to a blogger event at the American Craft Council’s craft show-it was a Scotch tasting with Balvenie Scotch. Steve is an artist and designer and he and Jill opened up a fabulous shop in town last year called Steve McKenzie’s. It is truly a treat with beautiful Grange furniture, accessories and table settings, Moleskine, pottery, china, Colsen Keane leather, and signature Steve McKenzie fabric. It’s becoming the hot new place to go for the Atlanta design trade and trend setting home owners.

http://stevemckenzies.com
GORGEOUS or WHAT???

I am not a food blogger, nor do I review much else but a few movies, books and restaurants. I am also a Cabernet girl so Scotch is not on my radar, even though it is always on BC’s. My last sip of Scotch was Johnny Walker Red in college on a date with a rich golfer frat boy to an ACC football game and it didn’t end well.

Johnny Walker Red – 1, Mary Anne – 0.

Suffice it to say it’s been 30 years since my last drink of Scotch (or Wild Turkey Bourbon–this Southern girl doesn’t do the hard stuff well).

But since I am adventurous, enjoy Jill, and got free admission to a craft show and free Scotch, I was game. It is, after all, networking

We went to a presentation by one of the reps from Balvenie Distillery in Scotland.  We tasted 4 flights of whisky (that’s without the E you see) from Scotch aged 12 years to one aged 21 years. And there IS a difference in taste and Scotch DOES have a bouquet and you DO stick your nose in the cute glass and sniff it. Just like boxed wine, uh huh.

scotch

And either my taste buds have matured, I’ve matured, or it was that those college memories have receded, but I really loved this Scotch. Of course, my favorite was the PortWood Balvenie aged 21 years in vintage port (the wine) pipes to the tune of around $250 a bottle.

I’m worth it.

My other favorite was the Caribbean Cask, aged 14 years in Caribbean rum casks-light and with fruit and vanilla overtones I thought that this was a great second place to the PortWood – and less expensive.

Oh, and Scotch doesn’t fill you up, has no added sugar, pairs well with dark chocolate and is totally Mad Men. One ounce of Scotch has 56 calories, zero carbs and zero sugar. And apparently men really dig a gal that orders a Scotch. I did my research and I can justify just about anything-it’s in my genes.

Thank you Jill and Steve – thank you Balvenie! See, networking IS important!

So guess what-I do enjoy a good Scotch. I guess I am heading in to Greta Garbo territory – “Gimme a whisky. Ginger Ale on the side. And don’t be stingy, baby.”

greta

 

Welcome to EATcopalypse 2014!

The Southeast got over 4 inches. The Northeast is bracing for up to 14 inches. All diet centers have closed for the time being. No meetings, weigh ins, consultations. Some gyms are open. Power is a issue all over the Eastern US. Yet, grocery stores have been wiped out. Especially prior to these storms. We will NOT go hungry.

It’s not Snowcopalypse 2014, its EATcopalypse 2014!

And this is one of two pantries we have....
And this is one of two pantries we have….

Why do these storms make us think we will run out of food? It’s not like we, as a society, really keep bare pantries.  And bread and milk? Funny, the gluten free posts have stopped on my timeline. Even Wheat Belly has taken a break.

Working out? Those of you who find it necessary to tell us about your long walk/run in the wind and snow, just watch this:

 [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPTt6MgsOt8]

God is good. It’s dangerous out there folks…

In my household, the eat-a-thon began Tuesday.  So far we have gone through a package of Oreos, tortilla chips, jar of salsa, a dozen cranberry orange muffins, hot dogs, popcorn, sodas, lemonade (and vodka), red wine, beer, salad, steak and chicken, potatoes, Frosted Flakes, trail mix, cheese, chicken salad from Costco, and more.

And there are only three of us.

Even the dogs are eating more. I’ve gone through two regular bags of dog food since Monday – all they wanna do is eat-aside from the fact that they ARE playing in the snow, making it yellow, and then napping on my leather couch.

It’s like we just can’t be trapped at home and do regular things, oh, like read, have conversations, play games, knit, clean. Nooooo, we eat and cook, cook and eat. The first flake on Tuesday had me pre-heating the oven to 350 for no reason at all.

See, told you I was hungry....
See, told you I was hungry….

It’s like we are food zombies. We aren’t looking for another person to eat (well, desperate times, desperate measures remember that book, Alive??? scary) we are throwing all good eating habits out the window and digging in. The minute we hear there’s no school, to stay off the roads, we hunker down. Pre-heat our ovens, start that soup, open that wine.

What does hunker mean anyway????

hun·ker

intransitive verb ˈhəŋ-kər

: to lower your body to the ground by bending your legs

hun·keredhun·ker·ing

Full Definition of HUNKER

1:  crouch, squat —usually used with down
2:  to settle in or dig in for a sustained period —used with down <hunker down for a good long wait — New Yorker>

Origin of HUNKER

probably akin to Middle Dutch hucken, huken to squat, Middle Low German hōken to squat, peddle, Old Norse hūka to squat

First Known Use: 1720
_________________________________

It’s an instinctual survival mechanism. Because you know, if we get stranded, we can live off that fat for a week or two.

Hunker down people, this muffin’s gonna keep me alive!

MuffinTop

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I can justify anything…

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I Don’t Do Resolutions – More like Revelations

I love when the new year comes. It’s a new beginning for everyone. All the sappy resolutions, commitments, announcements of being a better person, yada yada yada.

Funny-new-years-resolutions-cake

Give it two weeks. Or two days. Let’s see how that diet, healthy, faithful, blah blah goes the minute you get hit with the baseball bat of stress at work, home or play…

Okay, so I am being snarky. Yeah, I get it–sorry, but this realist has decided to make some realistic revelations for the new year.

Bear with me:

1.  I have neglected this blog in 2013. I was profoundly wordy in 2012 and not so much in 2013. Life just got in the way (my parents started reading it) and all the promises at these blog conferences and workshops that are a bit pricy extol that you can MONETIZE!! Yes, stand out, be paid, revel in the oodles of money you are going to make. Guess what, the folks making money blogging are the ONES who put on the conferences and classes! DUH. So I resolve to let what ever happens happen. I will pick wisely where I spend what little money I have to enhance this thing called ‘writing’.

2.  I lacked focus in 2013. In life, parenting, writing, work. Too many situations pulling me in too many different directions. Some I could absolutely not write about. Some I did. So in 2014 the focus will be back. It will be The Year Of Writing Dangerously (I bought the book)…

writingdangerous

3.  There is no such thing as a DIET. There is such a thing as watching what you eat, being healthy both of mind and body. If those two ain’t together you can fuggedaboutit. I did join Weight Watchers and it is working. Slow and steady wins the race. And the skinny jeans.

4.  I need to read more. In the last week I have downloaded or bought about 6 different books to start the year off. I go in and out of reading binges and I’m feeling one coming on, as long as I can get to level 320 of Candy Crush first.

5.  I know social media is a total time suck. Just look at my house. I love it for the connections I have made, but hate it for being such a large part of my day catching up. Time to hit the delete button for: People who only post quotes, people who only post political stuff-especially the inflammatory (yeah, BC, take it down a notch…), all the animal rescue sites–good GOD, WTF-hand me my Prozac I can’t take it! All the I never post anything about anything UNTIL I go on a fabulous vacation then I post a gazillion pictures a day people, people who only use it for self promotion for their business, multi-level or otherwise, Girlfriends who only post relentless selfies and nothing else-I’m thinking profile pics should be consistent, but whatever. So I guess that will leave me with about 100 out of 1000 people but quality, not quantity, right?

selfie

6.  I will take control of my house back from my animals. I will stay away from PetsMart on adoption day. Do not believe these statements from rescue people: He’s housebroken (unless he eats the cat food, then he will have diarrhea for two days all over your hardwood floors), She was living in an apartment and had to get rid of the dog (it lived in a crate 24/7 and now will not get near one and has anxiety issues when you leave), He’s fine with cats! Just not small children (which is code for hates cats), If he doesn’t work out bring him back (changes phone number and disappears from Google maps), He doesn’t bark much that we know of (because he is so traumatized at the rescue facility that he doesn’t bark but after a week in your home he decides ever sound is a threat and will bark non-stop). And I will stop feeling guilty that I feed them grocery store-bought food and not the wheat-free, holistic, herbal, ground up tofu $50 a bag crap from the pet boutique.

sara

7.  I will live on a budget. This will be terrifying for me, as I know how to calculate the price/earnings ratio of a company, but can not balance a checkbook for the life of me. So, BC, just give me an amount and then make a warning sound like a gong or something when I get close to the zero balance.

8.  On Sunday I will make a grocery list for the week. Scratch that. Not happening.

9.  I will no longer be the mom who has all the teens over all the time. They are using up my toilet paper, drinking all my Diet Cherry Cokes (the NERVE) and eating me out of house, Tostitos, and my yummy taquitos from Costco, putting cigarette butts in my planters at night (Yeah, I know who you are) and making my driveway look like a redneck used car lot. Buh Bye. Go to your houses. Have a nice day. Or I start charging a cover fee. Get used to it, it’s college prep for all those fun bars you will be going to on your parent’s nickel.

10.  Me and BC will travel more. And stay more than 48 hours (he’s with the airlines). I know he hates hotel rooms but he has NO idea how much I love the peace, the maid service, and those cute little shampoos and shit.

@Alan Light FLickr Creative Commons
@Alan Light FLickr Creative Commons

11. I will put on a bathing suit this year. I will purge my closet of all those ‘hopeful’ outfits that I will never wear again-you know the ones-but I may be going to a black tie affair this year (yeah, right). I will eat at home more. I will not eat another diet frozen meal again-they do not look like their cover photo and I don’t believe in photo-shopped food. I am giving up on my wish for a farm with chickens. I’m looking, however, to find a nice lake place. Never give up on a dream.

I will enjoy 2014 so much more than 2013. And if any of these get broken in the next week or so I don’t have to tell you anyway. At least not on Facebook…

 

I love sharing! Don’t miss a thing-sign up over there on the right with your email and you can get me in your inbox. I do not use your information or send it to anyone. Hell, I don’t even know how to find it in my dashboard. Good for you, me not so much.

 

Cheesus is the Reason for the Season…

It’s Christmas time and my gall bladder hates me.

cheesetree

Every party and get together from Thanksgiving on involves some kind of cheese serving. Dip, slices, chunks with grapes (the only reason you eat the grapes is to justify a fruit serving and alleviate the guilt), cheese in casseroles, cheese samples at Costco, CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE!

It’s the MOST wonderful time of the year!

And how I love cheese. Last month I went to visit my sister, who lives in Germany, and her husband, a cheese aficionado (Eeff it does not schtink, it eez not gut!) forced me to eat some kind of cheese every day (yeah, right). When I came home I had this suspicious pain in my right side that miraculously disappeared after I stayed off the fromage for about a week.

Cheese Detox. I do not recommend it. I had the DT’s and imagined small mice crawling around my feet for days.

But what amazes me is when and where did someone come up with the idea of pouring a jar of jelly over a hunk of cream cheese and serving it at a party? And pepper jelly at that? Who thought of mixing hot pepper, gelatin, sugar and water in a pan, boiling it and then dumping it on cream cheese?

Presentation is everything....
Presentation is everything….

It’s the closest think to dog hurl on a plate, and yet it is soooo yummy.

Am I right?

Cheese is not pretty. You have to fluff up a plate of cheese to take to a party or it just looks like chunks of orange and yellow stuff slapped out there with Wheat Thins.

Don't break your neck here..
Don’t break your neck here..

And how about cheese balls? My absolute favorite and one of the UGLIEST presentations out there is the Mango Chutney Curried Cheese Ball:

We have a winner! Photo @Allrecipes.com
We have a winner! Photo @Allrecipes.com

So, along with your ugly Christmas sweater, you HAVE to bring an ugly cheese dish.

PEOPLE, blue cheese has MOLD in it! And we eat it? Who thought of THAT?

Oh, I know, some mom, desperately hungry with a bottle of old wine went in her fridge one day, say that hunk of cheese with the blue stuff on it and decided it looked tasty. Uh, huh…..

There’s even award-winning blue cheese weed (frankly worth a try…):

 

weed2

You smoke it, then you want a glass of red with an entire box of Wheat Thins. Brilliant!

Make it pretty if you can-there are lots of overachieving cheese plates on Pinterest, trust me.

So let’s get out there and eat us some cheese this holiday season – even if it does look like vomit.

Or we can smoke it…

 

I love sharing! And hit me up on Facebook so I won’t be so insecure.

 

Burnee in, Burnee Out…Kitchen Sink Hatch Pepper Salsa

Once upon a time, in a nice suburb of north Atlanta, I had a nice home with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a beautiful deck and screen porch that overlooked my tree-filled backyard. This backyard is why we picked this home. Beautiful hardwoods, level grassy area where I could watch my daughter frolic with the cat and the birdies, and a nice pool to swim in.

But then came the peppers. (Insert duh duh duuuh music here..)

BC (the hub) travels for a living. And in doing so has discovered many new exotic foods along the way and carries a small bottle of hot sauce with him in his flight kit.  He researched where to find the hottest pepper sauce that you could buy. And he found some-lovely sauces like Fire In the Hole, Kick Ass, Nuclear Hell, Mega Death, Colon Cleaner and Tingling Taint. How lovely.

This is my deck now:

deckI’m thinking he has over 10 different varieties of peppers out here. All in the HOT category. And he doesn’t really eat them, but he does like to give them away to his buddies, challenge the latest potential boyfriend of 17 to eat one, talk about them, sell the seeds of them, chat on internet forums about them, read blogs about them, make them in to hot/sweet pepper jelly, and watch You Tube videos of incredibly stupid people eating them. Hell, they don’t even have boobs. I do not get it.

Ah yes, it’s the new phase of his mid-life comparing the hotness of his peppers with other guys, as opposed to their sexual conquests…

At 55, they still do the I’m a Manly Man thing. It never ends. He’s going to be in the nursing home one day comparing the size of his, ah, dentures…

So what do I do with this phase? Endure, sit back quietly and let it pass? Act like I’m interested?

Nope.

This girl here decided to take matters in her own hands (make sure to wear gloves when cutting the hot ones, my ass found out the hard way..) and make salsa with them.

When a buddy sends you a box from New Mexico filled with guess what????? more peppers – the Hatch variety – I threatened to finally get busy (or get a divorce) and get rid of these things.

So I invented Kitchen Sink (or counter in this case)Hatch Pepper Salsa. And mine is somewhat mild with a bite.

The harvest of Hatch with a few of BC’s thrown in:

harvestI gathered 4 Hatch chili peppers – 3 mild and one hot along with 3 Guajillo peppers (mild) 1 Ancho (hot) a carton of grape tomatoes I had in the fridge, some extra small tomatoes from the deck, one onion cut in quarters, one whole garlic bulb with the top cut off and put them on cookies sheets in the oven drizzled with olive oil and some seat salt at 325 for about 1 hour-give or take, to roast. After I pulled them out and let them cool down, I then put all of them in a food processor (I discarded the outer layer of the garlic because I was too lazy to peel it in the first place) and pulsed with at least a cup of chopped cilantro, cumin, pepper, the juice of one line and a little salt. I then added one more can of diced tomatoes because I like my salsa with more of a tomato base but you don’t have to do that. And voila-great salsa! salsaLike my food photography-with an iPhone no less.

You can combine any types of peppers you want-it really depends on your taste. I don’t care for green peppers but if I were to make this with store-bought I would use red, yellow, poblano and whatever they offered. I also would make this next time with at the very least Romano tomatoes and then add a can if I needed.

Hatch chili peppers come in a huge variety of heat and colors. They are also great roasted and I am going to use them in a crock pot recipe. They have a distinctive taste as well. Kind of smoky, earthy, I’m not sure but they are well loved in the Southwest this time of year.

Recipe:

  • 6-8 Peppers of your choice and heat index – sliced in half and seeded
  • 4-6 Tomatoes (also your choice) quartered
  • 1 onion quartered
  • 1 whole bulb of garlic to roast
  • 1 bunch fresh chopped cilantro
  • 1 teaspoon cumin
  • 1 lime juiced
  • 1/2 teaspoon pepper
  • Olive oil
  • Sea Salt – to taste

Slice and arrange all peppers, onion, garlic, and tomatoes on one or two baking sheets with rims and drizzle with olive oil. Place in 325 oven for 60-90 minutes until tomatoes have little char and release their juice and the peppers also have a little char. Let cold

Place all in food processor with cilantro, lime, salt, pepper and pulse. Serve immediately or cool in fridge. Should last up to 5 days in the fridge.

One day I will reclaim my deck. Remember, it’s just a phase, it’s just a phase.

Now I gotta go and water those freekin peppers……

Enjoy!

sidesalsaI love it when you share! You can find me on Facebook right over there too!

 

 

 

The Guilt Trip – Or I Guess I’ll Just Grow An Extra Toe

I just threw a plastic container in my garbage can. NOT the recycling can, the real, live, smells like rotten fruit, dog vomit, wiped up cat pee and coffee grinds-full GARBAGE CAN.

And now I will be going to recycling jail.

images

I just ate a bowl of fruit flavored Cheerios. You know, that evil Monsanto connected food product company General Mills? Yep, and I also had Triscuits (Nabisco) with Cracker Barrel Cheese (Kraft) and then a Lean Cuisine for dinner, a vodka martini with Ocean Spray, and a Cadbury bar for dessert.

Yep, Monsanto, Monsanto, Monsanto, Monsanto, Mon-freekin-Santo.

How am I supposed to eat? Me and my  family are a walking, talking ad for bad $hit in food and we are all still alive. We may have an extra toenail on the side of our feet, but dammit, Jim, we are still here.

When I separate the stuff on our kitchen counter to throw in the recycling bin that I pay EXTRA for, I know all of it goes all mushed together to some place where (for real ???) people with haz mat suits on separate every eensy teesny cup, bottle, paper, bag, ziplock, beer can, steel can and humongous plastic bottle at some facility on the south side of town.

Yeah, right.

I use energy. Oh yes, you electricity Nazi’s got many many good years out of me not worrying about how hot or cold I was and the temperature is just fine thank you in my house. NOT NOW. I am 53, and this summer put a turbo charger on that AC unit because it is gonna be 70 degrees or cooler in my house. Or else my (gasp) grocery store bought makeup will be running down my face at every degree over 70.

I eat red meat. Big juicy steaks, with loaded baked potatoes-don’t forget the sour cream and bacon. My husband’s favorite meal is country fried steak, which I cook in reserved bacon fat. Yep, the real deal. With a hearty glass of red wine. And cheesecake for dessert.

I found myself at a standstill recently because I want to do the right thing. But for who? Me? The environment? My family? The world?

And I can’t do it anymore. I was spending too much time worrying about what I was going to buy at the grocery store that I was getting paralyzed by the lack of choices and freaking about the frankenfood I was feeding my family. I was separating everything on my kitchen counters before I tossed it in that bin — my counters were so full of plastic bottles, cans, wrappers, small boxes that if the Hoarders folks showed up the cameras would have started rolling. I wasn’t getting enough sleep at night due to sweating (flashing and just being plain old hot) that I was a walking menopause zombie during the day. Looking to eat small children as appetizers.

funny-celebrity-pictures-hoarders-star-trek-edition

Then I woke up from my guilt induced haze and said, ‘Screw. It.’

Boy that is a freeing moment.

And yes, the whole GMO thing is bad. Very, very bad. I agree that we should not be eating or promoting this kind of food engineering. But you tell me what is going to happen when all of these companies that are trying to feed 200 million Americans try to keep their products safe from bugs, be plentiful, and cheap. If you think of a solution let me know.

And we recycle. As best we can. But I am no longer going to lose a moment of cool sleep worrying about that plastic water bottle I tossed in the garbage at the Mall. Or that Starbucks coffee cup that had that $4 latte in it.

And I’m done feeling guilty about it. I do the best I can for my little family. I donate food to the poor (Sorry, it’s GMO…), I give my time to charities, we do Meatless Mondays in our house. I do what I can. And I refuse to make OTHERS feel guilty about it either.

We can change the world. But it happens in baby steps. One person at a time in their own way. I’m going to just let it go and not worry about it.

Any. More.

After I finish this Quarter Pounder with Cheese Meal.

royale-with-cheese

Sounds so much more delicious in French…

Wordless Wednesday – Hitchcock or Jaws Moment?

Seagulls at Singletons
Seagulls at Singletons

I was back in North Florida last weekend for a family wedding. Dad and I went up to Big Talbot Island near Amelia to do some picture taking.

One (well, two) of the highlights of going up there from Jacksonville Beach is to go up to Mayport and take the ferry from Mayport over the river to the continuation of A1A up the coast. They used to have a guy there that sang your way on to the ferry – called the Singing Ferry Man – natch. Sadly he wasn’t there.

What WAS there were loads of Seagulls and Pelicans hanging out and looking for a handout from either us, or the local shrimpers docked by the ferry.

Dad likes to paint sea birds. So I fired off some shots at the guys hanging out by our local fave place Singleton’s Seafood Shack .

.Unlucky Shark hanging at Singletons

Unlucky Shark hanging at Singletons

Between the cats and the birds competing for snacks, it is quite a scene!

By the way-I had fried scallops with cole slaw and Dad had fried clams. The portions were HUGE and the price was low. I highly recommend Singletons.

Just bring snacks for the critters.

This post is part of a blog hop at Pictimilitude – join us over there for more great photos.

 

 

Social Media – We are Behaving Just Fine TYVM! And Loving it…

There’ve been quite a few  articles out there lately on adults and social media-primarily Facebook and Twitter and how to behave on these sites. Saying we are using acronyms like teens (WTF, LOL, ROTFL), no longer communicating in a personal way with others only broadcasting, and more.  And as many of you know, behaving on social media can be the difference between a job or no job, losing or gaining a friend, pissing your family off,  and more.
So being the ‘expert’ social media consumer that I am, I’m here to clarify how those of us of a ‘certain age’ are using social media, and embracing it, and yes, behaving on it just fine. LOL

FACEBOOK

One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country...
One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country…

The mack daddy of all SM sites, we have effectively kicked the teens and most of the younger adults off this platform because we have found it has become a great way to reconnect with old friends from our past lives, high school, college and more. Remember when a neighbor would invite you over to share the slides of their latest trip, birth of their child and more? Remember the letters we got at Christmas full of over-achieving children, luxury trips and job promotions?

Not any more. It’s all on Facebook. And that’s a good thing because now you don’t have to suffer through those dreadful slide shows or compliment IRL (in real life) how adorable that little grandchild is, who is actually a dead ringer for Uncle Fester from the Addams family. In fact, you can go over to their page and like the photo without barely even looking at it!  It’s all happy world to most of these people. Some of us have our mid-life crises on Facebook. Don’t do that. Go buy a sports car like the old days. Because, honestly we really don’t want to be reminded that we too, are in mid life…

As long as Facebook doesn’t mess with our photo albums it will be great. Or track how we stalk. But like Facebook, I am tired of the links, people. Get creative, tell a story, put a photo of your little Uncle Fester at 3 months old. Ditch the ecards and the political links. The shameless self promotion and the multi-level marketing opportunities.  Transparency on Facebook is a real thing, and it is all about relationships, not sales. And as I am sure most of my other FB peeps would agree, I am here for the fun, not lectures.  Just sayin…

Follow me on Facebook

TWITTER

twitter_bird_follow_me
There is quite the learning curve to this fun service and the best part about it-your friends get ONLY 140 characters to do their bragging, whining, self hatred, etc. Well, unless they link to Uncle Fester photos. But twitter has much more humor and yet is intimidating to most folks. Once you get in a groove with it, some of your best laughs will come from it and you can be so much more anonymous on it. I can promise you your mother will not stalk you on Twitter but she is becoming a pro at Facebook.

And getting followers. This is the social cred on Twitter.  Over  a certain amount, like a gazillion, and you get a purty blue check by your name. I have over 700, grown organically. There are some serious creeps in the twitterverse and you can go in your settings and block the porn bots.

Like in the first couple of months I was on Twitter. Whoo hoo-I got a new follower! Yay me! Now, to go look at Brittney’s profile…Let’s see, hmmmm, what’s that a photo of, let me just blow that up here on my pho….GAAAAAAH! That’s not her FACE!

Thank God for the block option.

We are tweeting the #Bachelor on Monday nights and the #Bachelordrinkinggame . Yes, I know how to party.
Oh, and we have also run the teens off this service as well. We are doing our job.

Follow me on Twitter

PINTEREST

What to do with all of those leftover corks...
What to do with all of those leftover corks…

Think online bulletin board.

And primarily women use this platform.

It takes a little getting used to but after your create your boards like Food, Fun, Family, Homes, LOLCats, and more you will be able to save and revisit these later. Young women pin fabulous size 2 fashions, tattoos, art, photography, dream weddings they could never afford, shoes, organization and more.
Our generation is pinning food, food and more food, crock pot recipes, diet tricks, knitting patterns, and sewing projects. And pictures of Channing Tatum and Johnny Depp. It’s not called electronic hoarding for nothing. And there is a guilt factor involved. I will not be able to live long enough to do all of the projects I have pinned on my boards. I do, however, make the crock recipes and Nutella brownie bites.

Oh, and Pinterest is NOT good for your waistline…

Join me on Pinterest

STUMBLE UPON

Try this. Go to Stumble Upon and put desserts in the search box. See you next year…

No, really, what this service does is seek out for you what you are looking for on the web. This is called an ‘aggregator’ site. You give them terms and it will primarily find you blogs and articles and photos about your subject. Google will bring you everything, including Brittney…Stumble Upon is a bit more specific. And you just click the reset button and up come the latest finds in your search. Like I said, talk to you next week.

REDDITT

Truthfully, we are not the demographic for Redditt and that’s fine with me. It is a weird site that people submit content to, primarily photos, gifs (moving photos) and more and people comment on it. Their largest user group is male 18-30. Some weird stuff here. Take it or leave it. Oh, and this is where the teens, like ants, have scurried to. Everything is in categories called  sub-redditts. And most of those are strange. So if you are looking for alien conspiracy theories, this is the site for you.  Someone started a Menopause subreddit and there are 12 members so far. Crickets….

WordPress, Blogger, Tumblrhipster

These are blogging platforms. And are primarily free until you start using them and figure out that you can make some money with them. If you have something to say, and you have more than 140 characters or more than a paragraph these are good vehicles for you. Yes, you do meet  people through these sites. For writers and photographers, in particular, they are wonderful. You can push your message out through these sites and they hook up with other SM sites and before you know it you are all over the place. Mommy bloggers have taken over these services with a vengeance. Us 45 plus’ers are bringing up the rear in a big way.

Tumblr is more of a micro platform for blogging-it is less flexible with add-ons than WP and Blogger, but is a huge hit with angst-filled teenagers who want followers. Lots of poetry here, photos and some disturbing thoughts. If you have a teen girl-they are probably on tumblr-and emoting about their life. Parents, check this site out…just saying….
Talking about sex after 50 and menopause issues is not kosher on most of the above sites. But do it here on a blogging platform and the next thing you know you are reviewing maxi-pads for a large company. I even have blogging friends that review vibrators. Seriously. They send you one for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And how come I have not been contacted to do that?????

Marketers better get a handle on who is out there and who is speaking on these platforms. They are not just for kids anymore…

Hot Flash Friday-We’ve Been Lied To…..

I hate dieting. And below is the reason why.

I was in my local grocery yesterday, excited to get good stuff since BC and 17 went on a camping weekend today. Four whole days ALONE in my house. This is waaaay better than a weekend at the Ritz with the hubs.
No performance anxiety.

So, I thought I might give some of those frozen meals a try as I plan to be so busy cleaning, organizing, repairing simple things reading books and drinking wine. In front of my little fake log in the fireplace. But alas, it’s going to be in the 70s here this weekend.

I am easily sucked in to a good deal, two for one, pretty pictures on boxes and the like at the store. So when I saw the cover of this one, and the fact that I could GET 5 FOR $10 I was game. And I thought I would share with you my little experience. Oh, and you can meet my dogs…

Blah blah-we’ve all heard it-weight loss is harder starting in your 40s. Yadda Yadda. But for shit’s sake, food companies this is BAIT AND SWITCH! And as time has gone by, these meals have also become smaller, and smaller, and smaller……one of these and about 2 hours later, facing eating another one, you’re like, “Ah Hell NO! I’m going to get me a QUARTER POUNDER…” And the vicious cycle continues.

All groceries need to do is have a menopausal section. Fresh fruits, vegetables, chocolate, wine and prime rib.
And a masseuse, Swedish preferably.
Duh

Follow me on twitter at @hellomap or you can click in the box above and like my Facebook page. Because I’m insecure and all that…

Slacker Turkey Leftovers

In honor of my lazy woman’s turkey recipe – I now present you with Slacker Turkey Leftovers!

I really really really really HATE leftovers. BC loves them. He will eat anything in a plastic container in the fridge and GOD FORBID you toss it out after about 2 days.

That guy has ingested more bacteria and funk in the 25 years of our marriage, he HAS to be pickled inside. And he is always getting that “My stomach feels funky” thing and will not admit that maybe, just maybe, it’s the fucking leftovers!

I call them science projects.  If there is ever a Zombie Apocalypse and you need penicillin, come on over to my house. 

It’s in the fridge.

The up side of this is that those nights I don’t feel like cooking, he is good with whatever surprise is in the plastic container and I eat popcorn. Or a bowl of cereal. And a glass of wine.

I also love soup. He detests it. I think he was brought up in a secret Japanese household where they slurp it at dinner because if I as much as sip my coffee or make a brothy soup and I ACCIDENTALLY slurp it, he gives me the most unbelievable side eye. If we ever divorce, it will be cause of irreconcilable slurping. I just know it.

Luckily over the years I have mastered the art of leftover cooking, and this turkey leftover concoction is one og the most EASY and delicious I make-many thanks to Big Momma for the creation.

Slacker Turkey Leftovers

Take all of your leftover turkey (or most of it), your leftover dressing, gravy and green bean casserole and place in a very large skillet. You can put it in different corners of the pan if you do not like your food to touch-but it won’t work as well that way you OCD food weirdos….. Heat on medium low and stir for about an hour. You may need to add that emergency jar of gravy you have set aside the day before and maybe a box of stove top stuffing.

When heated through, serve over rice or frozen mashed potatoes, waved of course, and add a can of peas or a salad and VOILA – great day after fare.

Enjoy your turkey hangover today!