When did Thank You Become a Thing of the Past?

I like your daughter. But you, my dear, are an asshat.

Why, you say?

The past 2 weeks my teen had one of her best friends who moved to another state stay with us for 2 weeks. A lovely young lady with manners and a quiet persona, I truly enjoyed her company and so did my daughter.

I also fed her, traipsed the two of them around town, and cleaned up after them.

Her mother came to pick her up last Sunday morning at 9am. Texted her daughter from the street to say she was waiting on her. Did she come in to my home and thank me? Did she text me or acknowledge that we were even present in our house during her daughter’s visit? Did she even text me to say that they were alive and back in their city?


No. No and No.

When my daughter started spending the nights out I always went to the home of the lucky friend and introduced myself to the parent. When she was in middle and high school, if she was going to someone’s house I didn’t know, I did the same thing-much to her major eye-rolling.

I was constantly shocked at how many of her girlfriends were dropped off at my home where the parent didn’t check to see if we were home, or to meet me if I didn’t know them. In this day and age, how can you just drop off a girl at someone’s home without checking to see if the dad is a pedophile or the parents are outright wacko?

I had one mom act like I was helicopter mom when I dropped my teen off at her home for a sleepover. I didn’t know her. She acted offended. She was taking them for a sleepover at the local Marriott that had an indoor pool. Which, by the way, is an idiotic idea for a birthday party in the 8th grade with 8 fourteen year old girls. I just wanted to know that she had this under control. I didn’t actually ask that but did ask if she had help and wasn’t doing this by herself. She assured me she was fine.


The next day my teen comes home. In tears. First, they stayed up all night and one of the girls texted some boys that they were at the hotel. They showed up after 2 am. Big brother brought them. Hotel Security was involved.

Then, most of them, including my daughter, thought it would be a good idea to take diet pills so they could stay awake all night. She took 5.

Can you say furious? I called this mother and never heard a word from her. She was in charge. Or, really, she wasn’t. I wanted the straight story. Never got it.

I learned a lesson that night.

Now when 18 goes to people’s homes or has dates and our rule still stands. If we don’t know him, he must pick her up, and come in the house or she doesn’t go.

Our house, our rules. Deal with it.

And if my kid EVER spends more than 2 or 3 days at your home and enjoys your hospitality, you can bet she will WRITE you a thank you note, and I will make sure I thank you as well.


  1. Right there with you Mary Anne. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is not receiving – at the very least – a phone call thanking me for gifts sent to my family members. Maybe I’m wrong to think that way…you know, God loveth a cheerful giver and all but it I still would like an acknowledgement. If nothing else, please let me know the USPS did their job!! LOVE your blog BTW and can’t wait to move back to GA!

  2. So true. I hosted a homecoming party for my son once, All the boys parents checked in with me and none of the girls parents! All the girls had alcohol hidden in shampoo and water bottles in their make up bags! So for Prom I had a parents meetin prior to the event, god forbid I interrupted any mother’s Bunko evening or tennis match! One mother said she completed trusted her daughter, she was a good girl Lol. (I didn’t tell her that her daughter had locked herself in my guest room for the night with her boyfriend!

  3. Unfortunately manners have gone by the wayside in our society as a whole. The families that do have nice manners are the exception not the rule-I see it with my students. To not even come in and thank you?! Can’t even believe that! Well I would thank you and bring you a hostess gift? When should I arrive?!

  4. A thank you note is sadly missing from so many of the nieces I give gifts to, I just can’t understand why . Seems it’s no longer part of today’s etiquette. Really makes you NOT want to give any more.

  5. Haha I hear you! My 21 yr old daughter still complains about how paranoid I was when she was staying over at someones house. I needed to (check these people out) in the guise of being super friendly and full of interest in their lives. She was armed with a fully charged cell phone and instructed to call me(from a locked bathroom if need be) ‘Anytime’ if she felt any discomfort at all. I would charge over there with a ready made excuse on why she has to come home. Of course this never happened, but that was the plan. Thank you for having me was always prompted until she remembered to say it herself 🙂

    1. Oh we also had the free pass too – if she was drunk, in a weird situation, I always offered to get her no questions asked – never did it but it was there!

  6. So true. Would love to hear your tales about navigating the teen years – with a 14 year old girl and two others not far behind, I need help! We are already facing some of these issues.

  7. So true. Would love to hear your stories about raising a teenager – with a 14 year old girl and two others not far behind, I need all the help I can get! We are already facing some of these issues.

  8. If my child had stayed with a family for two freakin’ weeks, first of all, I would have sent food over, or at least money so they could buy a few snacks for the family’s pantry. THEN, I would have thanked the family with a gift. A plant, flowers, puppy . . . okay, not a puppy. But come on!

  9. My gal pal who is a full-time physician, raising 2 extremely active teenagers, who manages a large home, cares for a menagerie of animals, a garden, a physician husband and is active in our Community, can ALWAYS find time to write a “note of thanks”. So, the “I am so busy” routine don’t cut it! People who do not say “Thank you” are just rude and they learned it from their parent’s.

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